


A love that knows no bounds

by s_a_b_i_n_e



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Ageing, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Canon-Typical Injuries, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Mortal!Alec, Post-Canon, Talk/thoughts about death and grief, angst & fluff, growing older, immortal!alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:27:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 22,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29609394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_b_i_n_e/pseuds/s_a_b_i_n_e
Summary: Magnus struggles with accepting that the love of his life is bound to grow older. The warlock doesn't care that Alec is turning grey and that the first niggles of getting older are impairing his shadowhunter. But he doesn't understand why Alec seems to be fully content with it, why he appears to be okay with dying one day. A long-buried conflict erupts once again. Will they learn to understand each other's point of view? Is there a solution to the problem?
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 536
Kudos: 244
Collections: Favorite Malec Stories





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my new story which is 100 per cent Satyana's fault as she gave me the idea for it. Thank you.💜
> 
> What I didn't expect, though, was how much I would cry writing the first few chapters. Keep your handkerchieves close for those. 🤧
> 
> But don't fret! As usual with my stories, the guys get their happy ending and there will be fluff coming in soon. Please, read the tags for trigger warnings & co. I hope you enjoy this slightly angsty, but eventually fluffy tale. 
> 
> This story is based on the character developments in the TV canon, but uses characters and background information from the book series.
> 
> Thank you to Hittiske for beta-ing again. You're fantastic! Thank you to Satyana who challenges me daily on my progress on this story. You two make my writing and the storyline so much better! 💕

"You are the love of my life and the father of my children. I won’t let you just die on me. Not yet!" Magnus grunts through gritted teeth, using all the magic he can muster to pull out the demon venom meant to paralyse their victims' bodies out of Alec's lifeless limbs.

 _Stupid Nephilim!_ Always on duty, even when they are just on a romantic visit to New York.

It wasn’t Alec's fault that he ran into a whole swarm of Shax demons on his way to their anniversary dinner. But the parasites got him bad, managed to pull him into their nest. Magnus shudders at the mere thought of his Alec being used to breed more of these little fuckers. When Magnus arrived at the scene, the carapaced demons had already sliced his beloved open to lay their eggs into his skin. Alec was still living - thank all Gods and Angels! - and conscious as the Shaxs want their surrogate parents to be.

Alec's panicked look would be ingrained in Magnus' memory for all eternity. Alec knew he was going to die.

No need to mention that the whole nest has been pulverised into ashes by now. Still, his husband of 25 years is laying on the concrete floor of some abandoned industrial building, fighting for his life, slipping in and out of consciousness now that the poison isn't working to its full potential anymore.

But the battle is far from over. Magnus knows that. Alec is littered with cuts, some superficial, some bone-deep. And if Alec dies on him tonight, it will all have been Magnus' fault. After all, he was the one who wanted to surprise him with a romantic dinner at the end of a scavenger hunt, leading Alec to all their special places in the town they fell in love with each other more than the quarter of a century ago.

Jace had given him the all-clear for that. Demon attacks were rather scarce lately, so, of course, Alec had nothing on him, but his clothes and a stele. He may be one of, if not _the_ best shadowhunter the New York Institute has ever had, but against a horde of Shax demons, even the best skilled Nephilim is bound to be on the losing side without weapons and backup. And as much as both of them want to ignore it, Alec is ageing. He's still fit and toned, but he's also on the other side of 40 and grey hairs aren't the only sign of him being no spring chicken anymore.

Magnus is just happy that he received Alec's distress signal and could easily track him via his wedding ring. It saved his beloved more than once and holds every single protection spell in all languages Magnus ever learnt, but it isn't infallible as this very evening so clearly shows. Maybe the spells need refreshing? He'll see into that later.

Some of the more shallow cuts are finally starting to knit themselves back together. A good sign. Magnus pushes even more of his magic into Alec's paler than usual body and pulls out the last remnants of the poison. Time passes slowly like molasses and Magnus feels his magic depleting minute by minute. But he can't just stop now and call for help. It's only seconds that might decide over life and death and Magnus isn't ready to risk the love of his life just to protect himself from bleeding out magic to excess.

He has never been ready for letting Alec go, he never will be. But this isn't what Magnus imagined in all his sleepless nights when he watched his husband. No matter how much it hurt him, he pictured Alec grey and wrinkled up, surrounded by his children and children's children; not in his 40s, dying on a cold floor with Magnus hovering over him, trying to save his life to no avail.

Magnus feels tears prickling in the corners of his eyes, but he wills them back. This isn't over yet!

It's with great effort and a few spells he learnt from Catarina that Magnus manages to finally patch Alec up. He still looks lifeless, save his calm breathing. Fully exhausted and too careful to give in to relief just yet, Magnus sinks down to his knees next to Alec's unconscious body and catches his breath. It takes a few minutes until he pulls his phone out of his coat-pocket and dials the number of his younger son.

"Hey, Max. Could you pick up Dad and me? I'll send you the coordinates ... No, we're alright. Shax demons. A whole crowd. Turned them to dust, but they got Dad badly. Fixed him. Just can't make a portal anymore. See you in a second."

With that, he hangs up and sends off the text, more than happy that his smart sons improved his own invention and found out how to travel to places one has never visited before. The telltale sound of a portal opening announces Max's arrival. He'll bring them home as soon as Alec is fully conscious again.

"Papa," Max cries when he steps into the warehouse and with exhausted eyes, Magnus sees both of his boys running in their direction.

Max scans Alec immediately with his magic and Rafe checks on Magnus. He pulls him into his arms. Magnus slumps into the embrace and lets the tears fall that he held in so stubbornly. What a pig of a day!

The three fall silent for a long moment, but Magnus can see on Max's face that his husband is fine, will be fine at least. His blueberry learnt from the best - namely Catarina - and even at his young age, his healing magic is nearly up to par required to teach in the Spiral Labyrinth.

Alec's hands start flinching and after a long moment of breathless waiting, he opens his eyes, his hands shooting up to his head immediately. Headache. That's to be expected. Max lays his hand softly on the crown of his father's head and Alec relaxes in an instant.

"What happened?" he asks, voice scratchy but strong. Magnus lets out a sigh of relief and smiles.

"You seemed to be more interested in dating a nest of Shax demons than going to dinner with me. Should I call a marriage counsellor?" he half-heartedly jokes, fear and dread still lingering deep in his bones.

"I would never miss dinner with you on top of the Empire State Building on purpose, love."

Magnus chuckles, still subdued. "You figured out the last destination before ...," he swallows hard, "I'm so sorry, Alexander."

"Hey," Alec says, catching the button border of Magnus' coat in an uncoordinated move, "don’t apologise. It was fun and it would've been perfect. You look so beautiful in your maroon coat. It's my favourite." Alec gives him a weak smile.

"I know, my love," Magnus smiles back. "Let's get you back to the loft. You must be freezing."

Max and Rafael help their fathers to get off the floor. Alec's knee grates at the movement. "Couldn't you have healed his damaged knee already?" Rafe asks.

Magnus rolls his eyes at his Nephilim son. "As if your stubborn father would ever allow me to heal something the Angels think appropriate to suffer from. He needn't wear glasses if I were allowed to help with such things."

"Heeey," Alec whines, "you said they make me look distinguished."

"Yes, but not when you bump into the doorframe without them," Magnus deadpans back.

The young men laugh. They know the bickering tendencies of their fathers. They act like an old couple all the time. From their perspective, they are just that.

"Let's bring you two home," Max says and opens a portal to his childhood home in Alicante. "Next Christmas, I'll get you thermal blankets for rheumatics."

"Don't you dare!" Magnus chides softly. His son will never know how much seeing Alec grow older is tearing at his papa's heart.


	2. Chapter 2

_Carpe diem._ Magnus wants to punch Horace for this friendship book phrase. The man can count himself lucky that he is dead for over two millennia now. His death for sure was less brutal than whatever Magnus' demonic side would be able to cook up to punish him.

Of course, the Roman poet wasn't wrong. Magnus said sentences like these a bajillion times himself, especially at the beginning of their relationship when the topic of immortality was a never-ending source of conflict.

But now he's watching over Alec's recovering body for the umpteenth time in the last 25 years and the boundaries usually closed tightly around this area of fears are dissolving in front of his very eyes.

It's not just the thought of Alec dying in battle. No. That scenario he could compartmentalise easily. It just wouldn't happen. Period! He would come and heal him, just as he did today.

But the other thing? The slow decay of a human body? There is no real cure for that, no matter how much the angel blood pumping through Alec's veins might cushion its effects.

Magnus had tried to fix all the little symptoms of ageing before, but his husband is infuriatingly smart and scolded him for it every. single. time. As if being able to shoot arrows without pausing every twenty minutes would be such a disaster.

Magnus doesn’t understand why Alec likes to grow older. He can't wrap his head around the thought that Alec doesn't want him to ease the pain when it comes to gout in the joint of some of his fingers. Or the knee that he hurt in a sparring accident. An injury that even with his superhuman, angelic healing he never managed to fully recover from.

It's not the first time that Magnus has been in a long-term relationship with a mortal. It's not the first time that he would take on the burden of seeing a lover grow old and die. All his former lovers fit in one of three categories.

a) They loved him too much. 

b) They didn't love him enough.

c) They loved him for the wrong reasons.

The last category hurts the least. Sometimes he was their caretaker, their magical nurse until they realised that he couldn't really stop their decay. It stung for sure if they sent him away, but he could move on. He had always given his love freely, no matter if people deserved it or not.

The second group he was sad about, but he understood. He was a monster, after all, never ageing after reaching human adulthood. There was just a limited time until they left him, looking for someone who would grow grey and old with them. He couldn’t take offence at that. He cherished the time they granted him. It had to be enough.

But then, there was the first group, people who loved him dearly. A chosen few, gemstones between pebbles and rubble that cut deep into his soul when they parted, no matter which way. Some of them were taken away too early like George, some left him to set him free, some died old in his arms, well old for what was usual at their time.

In some strange way, even Camille belongs to this category even though he left her. She wasn't always so harsh and cynical and used others as chess pieces on her personal checkerboard. She loved him dearly, and he loved her back fiercely. She pushed him away with taking other lovers, but he always knew that it was a way to keep him on arm's length, to protect her shattered heart from being held by somebody else. He would have loved her forever if she had allowed him doing so.

But these thoughts are futile. He knows that Alec is _it_ for him. There has never been a love that could hold a candle to what he shares with his husband and he knows that there will never be one that could surpass what they have now. If Magnus believed in something like destiny, he would say that they were soulmates.

Alec, so much Magnus believes with all his heart, is the love of his maybe eternal life and he will nurse him when he'll be sick and old. He will bury him one day and love him beyond that, will keep his memory alive. His husband won't just be an arrow in his box of long-lost lovers. Their whole loft will be a shrine to their love and the life they shared.

Magnus runs his fingers softly through Alec's greying temples. He is still beautiful, always will be to him, Magnus is sure. Alec may be well-padded here and there from long days behind the desk, but he is perfect like this.

Strangely, Magnus is waiting for the day his husband will ask him to glamour himself older, when he will be fed up to be called a sugar daddy. But there is no sign of this yet. Alec joked when a waiter asked if they needed a table for five when they went out with their children, mistaking Magnus for Alec's son. He doesn't even complain about being a little less adventurous in bed. Their dining table is safe by now, but they are far from being boring in that department, even without using the flexibility rune every time.

Alec has come so far from the young man insecure about his body beyond being the perfectly forged weapon. He hasn't referred to his body in a self-deprecating way for year's now, although Magnus had expected him to do so when he grew older and Magnus wouldn't, at least not visually.

The boy he met all those years ago grew into a strong man, a leader of his people, an attentive husband, a man who raised their children with less rigour than he grew up with and more love than Magnus could have ever imagined when he met this blushing virgin so many moons ago.

And now they are lying in bed, Magnus' heart racing, and the warlock wonders if he will ever recover from Alec being gone one day, no matter how far in the future this day might be.


	3. Chapter 3

"Good morning, darling," Magnus says, swiftly putting on his make-up with magic to conceal the dark circles around his eyes.

"Morning," comes the reply, muffled from the cushion it is spoken into. 

Magnus chuckles. "How are you feeling?"

"M fine," Alec says and turns to face him. "Slept like a log."

Magnus hums. He knows that. He watched over him the whole night. "Would you move for me, darling, so that I can check if everything is healed fine?"

Alec turns around with a groan. "I feel like I'm 80."

"You say that every morning," Magnus chuckles. "Is it worse than your usual back pain?"

Alec closes his eyes and takes inventory of his body. "Nope, just a little sore like after a hard workout. Nothing too bad."

"Let me take away the pain," Magnus offers, but Alec catches his wrists.

"All I need is you to kiss me and don't baby me, Magnus," he says pouting. It looks rather quirky on a 40-something's face, but Magnus is a sucker for kissing his husband and the opportunities arise less and less often.

Alec is avoiding public displays of affection ever since that fateful day when a total stranger attacked him with a handbag, shouting at him, and calling him names, just because he had dared to kiss his husband strolling with him through Central Park.

Maybe he isn't dealing with the whole situation as good as Magnus thought. Maybe the humour he displays now and then is just a coping mechanism.

But Magnus doesn’t want to think about that now. He wants to be close to him, wants to feel that he is very much alive, arthritis and all.

Alec rolls on top of him and catches his mouth with his lips. The familiar taste anchors Magnus as much as the weight pressing him into the mattress. Did Alec feel that he was floating? He wouldn't put it past him. Alec knows him better than any soul that ever walked the earth. Even his best friends.

Magnus sighs into the kiss, pulls Alec deeper and closer until it feels like they are one. Magnus wishes it would be that easy, that they could just merge and live together truly happily ever after.

But that's not in his cards. It's nothing he could ask of Alec. But not in 400 years of life did he ever feel the urge so strongly to ask the frightening question: Will you stay with me forever?

No. He can't and he mustn't. Alec would put it forward if it were on his mind. But it isn't and that's okay. It would be too much to ask for anyway. It's big enough that Alec promised him his forever, Magnus can't possibly ask his husband for his own forever, too.

So he plucks the day and tries to just feel, to be present, to file everything that is Alec to memory. The way he tastes, the way he smiles, the way he stretches his arm to hide that his shoulder is stiff again.

Magnus knows it's just a minor thing. There will be much worse to come. Real restrictions, real diseases. This is small. Alec is just on the threshold to the second half of his life, if everything turns out fine that is.

Now, he is here, alive and warm, breathing, kissing him senseless. "I love you," Magnus speaks against his lips and a tear runs down his cheek unbidden.

Alec pulls back and looks down at him, a frown of concern distorting his softened features. "What is it, love?" he asks tenderly.

"Nothing," Magnus says. It's not even a lie. It's not a big deal and he won't make one of it. It's just reality catching up on him, a long-suppressed fear rearing its ugly head out of the blue. It's Magnus' heart bleeding at the mere thought of him staying behind, standing over his husband's and later his son's grave. It's destiny in its cruellest form, born out of love.

He feels Alec's thumb caressing the tear away and his husband's lips on his own, anchoring him once more.

"I scared you last night, didn't I?" Alec asks into the tender skin of his neck and Magnus lets out a strangled noise of agreement. "I'm so sorry, Magnus."

"Don't," is all Magnus manages. Because if Alec keeps on talking the dam will break and everything will crash down in a huge flood of words and he promised himself to be strong.

They decided to never speak of it again on their wedding night and they kept this promise ever since. They are happy. Everything is good. Magnus will be fine somehow. He just needs to focus on the man in his arms.

He loves the softness around Alec's past edges, the way he laughs unrestricted now, how his eyes sparkle, and his hair turns slowly silver. Magnus always dreamt of growing old together, he once actually did that. But Alec never asked him to. Maybe the reflection would be too much or he just wants to keep up the illusion that nothing will ever change. Magnus believed it himself for a very long time.

But now, their boys are in their twenties, living their own lives and Magnus has suddenly time on his hand. And time is a dangerous gift if you can't fill it with the people you love. Alec is hard-working. Magnus too, but there is only so much to do for the High Warlock of Alicante. Strengthening the wards is routine, assisting the Clave not really time-consuming.

That gives Magnus a lot of time to think. About Alec's reasonings. About time after Alec. All the things Magnus would gladly push away if his treacherous mind wouldn't creep up on him in those quiet times that used to be filled with parties and dinner with friends.

That's how the whole scavenger hunt thing popped in his head in the first place. And now, he's back at square one. No, it's worse. Now, he has a worried husband looking down at him. _Damn it!_


	4. Chapter 4

"Shouldn't we talk about it?" Alec asks, but Magnus shakes his head no and presses his lips to a thin line. Alec sighs. "Please. What is different this time? Usually, you're not that freaked out."

"It's nothing. Don't worry the pretty little head of yours," Magnus says, hoping against all odds that his stubborn husband will let go of the topic and just resume kissing him.

"I can feel that you have something on your mind, Magnus. Do you remember our wedding vows? We promised to listen to each other. Let me listen to what is weighing so heavily on your heart. Please."

Magnus hides his face on Alec's shoulder and sighs. How is he supposed to voice his thoughts and feelings without breaking the promise they gave each other? And opening this can of worms wouldn't help anybody. The topic nearly drove them apart.

He feels a familiar tightening around his heart as if an iron-clad warrior would close their hand around it. It's suddenly hard to breathe. But he knows that Alec waits for an answer, an honest one. Deflection never helped them in the past. Things only got worse by secrets and omissions.

"I ... I just don't understand why you seem to enjoy getting older," he finally settles on. It's just part of the problem, of course, but one he deems safe enough to discuss.

Alec frowns at him. "Why would you think that?" he asks and pushes himself up to lean against the headboard, a clear sign that he prepares himself for a long, serious discussion.

Magnus sighs and mirrors his position. He fidgets with his wedding ring, the only one he never removes, never will.

"You don't let me heal the symptoms of getting older. I mean, for now, it's just the little things. But there will be consequences if I don't take care of them in the present. And what use is a husband with healing magic if you don't allow him to help you?"

Alec's frown grows even deeper. Magnus can feel him tense up at his side. It makes the grip around Magnus' heart tighten even further.

"You said, you wanted to grow old with me. This is part of growing old, isn't it?" Alec says, his voice barely above a whisper. 

"Yes, I did," Magnus agrees. He knows he said that all those decades ago and he had meant it. But not like this. He knits his brow together, trying to remember the exact words used back then. "We talked about Philippa. You wanted to know if I ever stayed with someone until they died of old age."

Alec nods. "And you told me, you did with her. That you held her hand when she died in her 70s. And that she was just as beautiful to you as the day you two met."

Magnus nods and takes Alec's hand, brushing his thumb softly over the callused knuckles.

"I could see it in your eyes," Alec continues, "Even through the pain that was clearly there. You cherished this memory."

Magnus nods in agreement. "It was an honour to be there for her through the good and the bad."

"And she didn't know that you were immortal. You aged yourself for her."

"Yes. But I healed her nonetheless, Alexander. At night, when she slept. She died of old age, very old age for her time, because of it. And she could have lived a few years longer. But she was tired of living and I had to let her go. But I helped her. There was no pain till the very end."

Alec swallows hard. He squeezes Magnus' hand and loses himself in thought.

"But it was cheating, wasn't it?" Alec asks.

"What to do mean?"

"It's against the divine order," Alec replies softly.

"My whole existence is against the divine order, darling." He knows that Alec would never question the rightfulness of his existence, but if he wants to frame the question like this then he won't let his husband get through with this kind of argumentation.

"You know what I mean," Alec tries. "Nephilim seldom reach their 50s, and if they do, they don't live over a century. It's not how it's meant to be."

"So ...," Magnus swallows around the lump in his throat, "you want to die sooner than necessary?"

Alec turns his head, his face a mask of pure shock. "No! Absolutely not!" His voice carries hurt and devastation. "How could you ever think that!?"

Magnus shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know, Alexander. You tell me. You don't let me heal you. You don't ask me to glamour myself to age with you. You stopped kissing me in public. How could stupid old me ever think that you're still waiting for dying young as a good shadowhunter is supposed to do? Which you and your siblings would have all done years ago if I didn't save your reckless asses again and again and again!"

Magnus is nearly shouting at that point, all the pent up anger vibrating out of him in sharp waves. He jumps off the bed and strides through the bedroom.

"You have no idea how terrible it is to have you die on me on a regular basis. I thought when we moved to Alicante that this would be over, but no. You need to help out your siblings, again and again. Every time I open the portal for you, I feel sick to the bones. But you don't seem to care. Not seem to care one bit how much it would hurt me to lose you.

"Maybe dying before your time has come isn't a big deal for you, but it is for me. I will never love anybody the way I love you. All those years ago you said that Nephilim love just once, fiercely. Do you know what I learnt? Warlocks do too. We may love many people in our lives, but if we get lucky," he chuckles mirthlessly, "or rather _unlucky_ , we fall in love so helplessly with one soul that every other love is just a shadow against this all consuming, burning love.

"The day you'll die, I will die too. I have no idea how I'm supposed to survive this. I will, of course, if it's only for our sons. But never think that I will just move on. I will _never_ be able to move on. There may be others in the future, but no one will be able to hold a candle to what you and I share. So please, explain to me, my dearest husband, how I'm not supposed to think that despite all we have, you are reckless and more than willing to die as if you were just a mayfly for me?"


	5. Chapter 5

Alec looks at him, mouth agape and eyes wide. He gasps for air. Words pile up in his mouth in a chain reaction collision. _What the hell is happening!?_

"After all those years with me," Magnus continues his harangue, "do you really think that you aren't worthy of being healed, of being cared for? Didn't I show you enough how much I love you? How much you mean to me? How much I _need_ you?"

Magnus runs his hand through his hair, a gesture of devastation and helplessness. That's why he kept his mouth shut until now. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from letting everything out, most likely hurting Alec in the process. And that's the last thing he wants to do.

But he's done. So done. Done pretending that everything is fine. Pretending that he is strong and not affected by the looming loss. That seeing Alec age isn't a punch in the gut, even though he loves the laughter lines and love handles with all his heart. It's too much to bear. He wants this. Of course, he does. He wants to be with Alec in any way and state that he can have him. That's not the point.

But it doesn't feel as if they are on the same page and that is what hurts him. That he might love Alec more than Alec loves him and that his beloved one day will find peace in heaven and he will be left behind in a worse hell than Edom could have ever been.

Maybe Alec should have just left him there. Then he wouldn’t have gotten 25 years with the most perfect, imperfect man that ever walked the earth and all the memories that Magnus will carry in his heart for the rest of his life, most likely torturing him in the far future more than they will ever comfort him. Then he would have never become a father, feeling responsible to stay. Then ...

"I ... I cherish every second that I have with you because I know that our time is finite," Alec starts. Every single word feels like lead on his tongue, heavy and poisonous. "But I can't change who I am."

That's the point. Alec could. He could change for him if he wanted to. He could spend eternity with him. The solution is just one bite away. But Magnus would never ask for anything, Alec isn't willing to give freely. That doesn't make him want to any less.

The treacherous voice of doubt that he was able to drown out for so many years sees its chance to slip through the cracks in his resolve and gets heard again. It whispers softly like the snake in the Garden of Eden, _You're not worth it. He may want to spend his life with you, but not eternity. You're too much. You're too much for anyone. Eventually, everybody leaves._

"No. I guess you can't," Magnus whispers, heart bleeding. If he had known right from the start that Alec had the potential to become the love of his very long life, he would have protected himself better. Or he would have had a proper immortality talk with him, spelling out all the options they had. But now it's too late for that. The topic is taboo.

"Coffee?" he asks, already moving to the door. Alec is next to him in the blink of an eye.

"Don't do this," he pleads.

"Do what?"

Alec looks at him with sad puppy eyes. "Close yourself off from me."

Magnus tries to press back the tears welling up in his eyes. He won’t show any more weakness. He has said too much already. There is nothing that can resolve this fucked up situation.

Once more, he remembers why it had taken him so long to break up with Camille even though she hurt him more times than he could count. With her, it was clear from the start. They could have shared their whole lives with one another. But even that wasn't enough to choose him over the others in the end.

"I don't," he says more convincing than he thought he could manage, centuries of experience finally paying off. "It's just futile. We only get angry. Life's too short to waste it on discussions that will never lead to solutions. I love you. And you love me. That's all that counts in the end."

Magnus turns and walks to the kitchen, losing himself in the familiar rhythm of making a hot brew in the morning. He could have kept on conjuring his favourite beverages from cafés from all around the world, but Alec had convinced him that there could be magic in doing things the mundane way.

He learnt so much from him over the years, learnt to love life again. There is a distinct difference between life before he met his husband and after that, a turn of the eras, a sea change that carried him away into the ocean of possibilities, of pain and regret, but also ever-growing love and pure bliss.

Loving Alec is the bravest thing he has ever done and he fought in battles unimaginable for the mundanes he lived among. He won't lose his beloved over thoughts about tomorrow.

When push comes to shove he can always erase his memories of Alec. This time he'll surely be strong enough to go through with it. What is a bit of amnesia if he can have Alec now? The shadowhunter already left traces in his soul that will never be undone even if Magnus' mind won't remember who left them there.


	6. Chapter 6

"You want to pull back from active duty? Why?" Jace looks at his brother as if Alec just told him he planned running away with a circus to work as a clown.

"Do I need a reason for that? I want to live to see my 50th birthday. I'm too old for this crap," Alec replies and sits down on the sofa at his old office that is Jace's now.

His brother shakes his head. "That's not my parabatai talking. Spill! What happened?"

Alec rolls his eyes. Can’t everybody just leave him be? "I just don't want to die, okay?"

"No one wants that, but that never kept you from going out, slaying demons. Is that about the Shax attack? I'm really sorry."

"No, it's not that. But afterwards ...," Alec shakes his head, "I can't do this to Magnus anymore. He deserves a husband who isn't booked to die every fortnight."

"So, he's putting you on a short leash then. Listen, I'm sure it's not that bad. Clary had a phase where she didn't want me to go hunting, too. But it was just that. A phase. Magnus will get over it."

"Over me?"

The question is a slowly turning knife sticking in Alec's heart. Because that's what everyone - including him - thought for so long. That Magnus is so used to losing the people he loves that he somehow contrived ways and means to get over the loss without breaking apart in the process.

That's what kept Alec going all those years, made him put his own contradicting feelings into a box and bury it deep inside.

He likes getting older. This much is true. But only because he gets wiser, because he can see his children, his nieces, and nephews growing up to be wonderful adults, because now he's in a position to establish real change. He worked so hard for the new world he, Magnus and so many others helped to create and he enjoys the fruits of his labour.

That he didn't let Magnus heal him, lethal wounds aside, well, maybe it was his stubbornness or simply a misunderstanding. Magnus said he would love him, feeble and old, so Alec thought his husband wanted him to live a simple, ordinary life. Well, as ordinary as an angel-blooded nephilim could be, first of his kind to not only marry a man but a demon-blooded warlock at that.

"You know that I didn’t mean it this way," Jace says and slumps into the sofa next to him. "But leaving things behind, just to worry him less, that doesn't sound healthy."

"Nothing about our lifestyle is healthy, Jace," Alec retorts, "but Magnus deserves a husband who at least tries to live as long as he can. He lost so many people already. You have no idea what he went through."

Jace nods. "You're right. I'm sorry, Alec. But ... not even as a backup for the worst case?"

"I will always be there for you if it's on a knife-edge. You know that."

They fall silent for a long moment and Alec feels his brother's gaze scrutinising him.

"That's not all, is it?" Jace asks, suddenly unusually soft.

Alec slowly blows out a breath. "No. But nothing that can be changed."

"What is it? Maybe I can help you figure it out."

Alec sighs. His brother is right. He needs to talk about this with someone and who would be better than his parabatai? 

"Something Magnus said. I think he didn't mean to as we promised each other to never talk about his immortality again as it is just too painful. But ... he said that he needed me."

Jace knits his brow together in confusion. "Of course he does."

"Yes. But he sounded so desperate. As if ...," he trails off.

"As if what?"

Alec can feel Jace's worry pulsing through their bond. _Great._

"As if he thought that I didn't care if I died or not. And as if it would destroy him if I did."

"I think it is normal to not want the love of your life to die. I would be devastated if anything happened to Clary. She saw me dying once and she still has nightmares about it. But that's part of life, Alec."

"I know, but that went deeper. I ... I'll have to talk to Max about it. I fear ... He'll need to have a close eye on him when I'm gone."

Jace's face distorts in shock. "You mean ..."

Alec just nods. Fragments of every past conversation he ever had with Magnus run through his head like an avalanche, tearing everything down in an onslaught of puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly now, even though he doesn't want them to.

"He was tired of life before we met," Alec speaks into the heavy silence. "He tried to fill it with fun and parties, with sex and alcohol, but it didn't register anymore, really. It was all nostalgia, nothing new."

"And then, you came along," Jace says and Alec can hear the sad smile in his voice.

"Yeah."

Tears prickle behind his closed eyelids. The realisation hits him like a train. By the Angels! How is he meant to break this topic to his sons?

"But Alec, this ... I mean, that was always how it was going to be. Both of you went into this marriage with open eyes."

Alec swallows hard. He needs to let all his thoughts out. Maybe it will leave him alone if he just lets it exist outside of his head.

"But it doesn't need to be like that," he simply says.

Jace sinks back into the cushion. "You mean?" Alec shrugs his shoulders. "Did you talk with Magnus about it?"

"How could I? It's too big a question if I don't know if I'm willing to go through with it. I don't want to put it on the table just to cop out later."

Jace nods in understanding. Alec was always willing to carry the burden before laying it on someone he loved.

"Make a list of pros and cons. You'll find your answer eventually," Jace suggests and as simple as it sounds, it may actually be a good step. If, yes if.

"Yeah. But what if he doesn't want me to be with him forever? Maybe I'm reading this all wrong?"

Jace huffs in amusement. "That man adores you, Alec. And you him. I'm sure it would be the greatest gift he ever received."

"Or the greatest burden. It's one thing to bind yourself to someone for 70/80 years at best."

"But you just said ..."

"I know ... Damn it!"


	7. Chapter 7

Magnus wakes up to soft kisses on his neck and a gentle hand brushing over his side. He loves mornings like these, without rush, without appointments. Just him and Alec and the world fading into the background.

He turns around and smiles at his husband who looks as if he has been awake for quite some time now. Maybe he watched him sleep. Alec sometimes does that and even after all those years it still elicits a swarm of butterflies in Magnus' stomach.

"Good morning, my love," Alec whispers. 

"Good morning, darling," Magnus whispers back and brushes his thumb softly over Alec's cheek.

Alec kisses the palm of his hand and weaves his fingers through Magnus' soft hair. He pulls him into a long kiss, all soft and sweet, warm and tender. His hands roam over Magnus' body. The sensation sends goosebumps running over the warlock's skin and his mind goes blissfully blank.

Alec was different after he came back from the New York Institute last night. Magnus could sense a seismic shift but couldn't figure out what was behind it. Alec was unusually quiet, just gave him a small smile and a long kiss before he went to bed rather early.

Maybe it's just his too familiar melancholy that washes over Alec from time to time. Or it is their fight that is still lingering between them. 

They didn't talk about Magnus' outburst yet, maybe never will. They are good at doing that - avoiding certain topics. Some things just hurt each other more if they are spoken aloud than kept in the silent corners of their hearts. Magnus just hopes that none of them is holding back on thoughts that should be actually shared.

But all that is far away when Alec glides on top of him, kissing, nibbling, and whispering his love into Magnus' skin, giving himself fully to the single mission that is making his husband feel good.

Yes, they know each other well by now, could map out the other's body, know each of their preferences, each of their kinks. Magnus doesn’t remember anymore why he prefered one-night stands in the past. This is so much better, so much hotter, so much more satisfying.

He closes his eyes and hums in appreciation as Alec's kisses wander downwards, his sinful mouth not missing a single of his most sensitive spots until he sinks down on him and Magnus' brain just short-circuits in white bliss.

***

"Where will I portal you tonight?" Magnus asks as nonchalant as he can muster after coming out of the shower. His heart is racing like every two weeks, not knowing on which godforsaken mission his siblings and friends are sending his husband this time. 

He stocked up on the usual potions and checked the ingredients for those that are less likely needed to fully heal up the stubborn father of his children from whatever funny accident story he'll have to tell this time. Alec gave 30+ years to this world. Why does he still need to risk his life?

Sure, most shadowhunters his age are still on active duty. Only if they manage to survive that long, of course. But even men like Andrew aren't out and about anymore, even though he has a Warlock husband, too. But Lorenzo had made it pretty clear on his husband's 40th birthday that he either concentrated on the security part of his job or stop working altogether. The question had become obsolete by now, though. Andrew quit the job for other reasons.

Envy is an ugly feeling and Magnus once thought he was too evolved to feel such low emotions. Boy, had he been wrong! Every time the High Warlock of Brooklyn invited them in the last four years, Magnus has always found a good excuse for why they couldn't make it. He just couldn't see the happy couple and the Nephilim turned vampire at the Warlock's side.

Alec visited them once or twice in private, but otherwise only on Clave business. He never asked Magnus to join him. Most likely for the same reasons. What an absolute mess!

"I don't need a portal," Alec says, already sitting at the set breakfast table, nursing his coffee.

"How come?" Magnus asks in surprise.

"I'm not doing patrols any longer. You were right. It's stupid to risk my life at my age. Let the younger shadowhunters do the job. I'm not in my best shape. I just can't train enough," Alec says between two sips from his mug.

Magnus frowns and sits down. With a wave of his hand, the table is filled with their favourite breakfast foods.

"I didn't want to take this away from you," he says nearly ruefully. He's happy, of course he is. But this should have come from Alec himself, not as a response to his uncontrolled volley of words. 

Alec gives him a small smile. "With my luck, I still run into enough trouble for you to worry about me," he chuckles, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. For what reason exactly, Magnus isn't sure.

"Any other plans for tonight then?" Magnus tries to lighten the mood. Their Netflix list is full of unwatched movies just waiting to be seen before they are removed from the catalogue. 

"I thought we could ask Izzy and Simon over. Not sure if they're free, though," Alec suggests and even though Magnus loves his sister-in-law and her partner, he can't help but wonder why Alec chose them, given that his other siblings haven't visited them for way longer.

"That's an excellent idea, Alexander. I wanted to invite her to the Paris fashion week. And you boys can talk about the latest Batman movie," he says anyway.

"We aren't 'boys'," Alec pouts only semi-serious, "and it's Spiderman."


	8. Chapter 8

Simon plugs in the newest PlayStation and throws the controller to Alec, who grins at him. They haven't had a game night for quite some time now and as he knows that his husband enjoys his time with Izzy on the balcony talking fashion and the latest gossip, Alec tries to relax into the couch.

Simon's bubbling something about the game, but Alec pays only half attention to the volley of words raining down on him. He still racks his brain about how to break the topic he planned for tonight. Maybe it was a bad idea to talk with Simon about it. But Izzy made it clear many years ago that she sees it as a non-topic and refuses to discuss it with him. In her opinion, immortality is for a chosen (or cursed) few and nothing that she aspires to, no matter how much she loves her boyfriend.

Alec wished that he could be more open about it with her, share his fears and worries with the only person who might really get it. But he has the suspicion that Izzy denies him that conversation because her own resolve to see it through the way she announced it early on in their relationship might crumble if she looked at it with eyes that are 25 years older.

But it may be easier for her. Simon is her official liaison to the local vampire clan. Nobody questions the fact that he's around her. And she thoroughly enjoys the occasional instances when somebody sees her as a cougar.

Alec doesn't care about misunderstandings like these. He knows that the age difference is turned upside down and much bigger than most assume. That has never been the problem. Their love carried them through the rough patches, whenever their differences in experience came between them. Both brought new things to the table and they even managed the problems dealing with the same annoying people every day, just from different sides of the equation. It barely influenced their private life and Alec is proud about that, seeing how easily Izzy and Simon lock horns when it happens in their field.

That's why questioning Simon is a dangerous thing. Alec doesn't want to stir up a hornets' nest, doesn't want conflict where maybe only fragile peace lingers. But who else is he meant to ask but his friend, the only one who is close enough to him _and_ who can relate to his situation?

So, after a while of killing zombies on the beamer lit wall and the usual banter between them, he finally gathers the courage to ask. "Can I ask you something personal?" he starts.

"Sure. Unless it's about sex. I don't think I'm a big help there. Sure, I kissed Jonny Seinfeld in 6th grade but ever since ..."

"Woah, stop!" Alec interrupts his rambling. "As interesting as your possible bisexuality is, Si, it's not about sex." He runs a hand over his face and takes a deep breath. "How is it for you that Izzy won't be forever at your side?"

Everything seems to screech into silence after Simon pushes the stop button on his controller. He turns to Alec and looks at him with wide eyes, his cheeks even paler than before. Alec's regret is instant but too late.

"Why do you ask?" the vampire inquires.

"I'm ... I'm struggling with the fact that one day I will leave Magnus behind."

Simon scrutinises him. As much as he still is the ever-talking nerd that Alec met over two decades ago, he also is a sensible soul, always caring about others, often to his own disadvantage. Maybe that's why he and Alec became so close over the years. Still, it's the first time that they ever talked about this and Alec isn't sure which way this will go.

"What is his opinion about it? I mean, no offence, but you're not the first who he had to leave behind."

Alec nods. "Yeah, but ... a few days ago we had ... not an argument, but he let it all out for once - his fears and ... That isn't meant to sound vain, but I think that my death might hurt him more than the others before. You know what I mean?"

Simon nods. "You're afraid that he might do away with himself?"

"I don't think that he would, but ... I don’t even want to entertain the thought that he might consider it."

"And what's your solution? Do you want me to have an eye on him after you're gone?"

Silence spreads between them. "Yes ... no." Alec groans and tugs on his hair to ground himself. "I don't want him to go through this at all."

"Are you here to ask me if I would turn you?" Simon asks softly.

"No. That's not ... I would never ask that of you."

"Why not? Shadowhunter blood is a delicatessen," he smirks.

"I thought, because of Izzy."

"Because she doesn't want to?" Alec shrugs his shoulders. "Don't worry about that. I'm cool with it."

"How can you be?"

Simon sighs. "Your sister is a hard-headed woman. You know that. I respect that she wants to accept her destiny without interfering. Losing her will suck, big time. But immortality wasn't something I asked for. I didn't decide to give up my life as I knew and loved it. It is a burden I have to carry. It's not her responsibility to make it less difficult. I love her, just the way it is. I may change my opinion over the years because I'm still not past a normal human lifespan. But right now and with her, I'm willing to take what I can get."

Alec nods in understanding. Is that the difference? Simon's losses aren't bigger until now than they would have been anyway? Izzy will be the first love he will have to bury. Maybe Alec is just more important to Magnus because he is one more loss on a pile of losses and that's why it's harder for him to imagine life after Alec.

Maybe Alec needn't worry. Magnus will be fine. He will love again, as he found love with Alec after George and Etta, Philippa and the others his husband had loved dearly. No matter what, Magnus will be fine. He has to. Alec will make sure of it.


	9. Chapter 9

"The boys come over for dinner tomorrow," Magnus says and presses a kiss to Alec's lips.

His husband pulls him up into his arms, bridal style. "Your back!" Magnus chuckles, "Set me down."

"Nope," Alec replies, "strength rune."

"I'm not _that_ heavy," Magnus protests, but presses his face into Alec's neck nonetheless, inhaling the scent he could pick out from a million samples without a second thought. "Any special plans for tonight?" he murmurs when Alec lays him down on their bed.

"Just making my husband feel good," Alec says.

"You always do that," Magnus replies and brushes his hand through Alec's short hair. He likes the feel of it, so much better than the longer locks that always needed product to hold it in place. He knows it's a little hypocritical given his own hairstyle, but he just loves to be able to ruffle Alec's hair whenever he wants.

He pulls him into a long kiss but stops Alec's hands when they go for skin right away.

"What is it?" Magnus asks softly against his husband's lips.

Alec pulls back and frowns. "Nothing."

"Liar," Magnus gently scolds him. His husband is always affectionate, but since their anniversary it's nearly too much. But just nearly. 

Alec sighs into his shoulder and Magnus pulls him as close as he can. "Talk to me, Alexander." His hand brushes up and down soothingly.

"I should have done this 20 years ago," Alec sighs.

"Darling, you did this 20 years ago," Magnus chuckles.

"No, that's not what I mean," Alec says and rolls off him.

Magnus pushes himself up and leans against the headboard, arm stretched out to the side in a silent invitation. Alec settles his head on his thigh and fiddles with the seam of Magnus' pyjama bottoms.

"I should have thought about the consequences that being who we are entail."

Magnus hums and runs his hand through Alec's hair again, knowing well how much it anchors and soothes his husband.

"And you're thinking about it now?" he asks evenly, not giving away the rising anxiety tightening his chest.

"All the time. I know we said we wouldn't talk about it, but ..." he trails off.

"... that was a short-sighted idea," Magnus continues.

"Yeah. I couldn't really comprehend what it would mean to grow old next to a never-ageing husband."

Magnus swallows against the tightness rising in his throat. "Does it bother you that I look young?" he presses out.

"No ... yes ... I don’t know. Not really. But I don't want to embarrass you or the boys. It happens more often and it is bound to get worse," Alec says, pressing his blushing cheeks into Magnus' thigh. 

"I could glamour myself your age. I don't mind," Magnus offers.

"It's not that. I don't want you to hide your true self. My comfort isn't that important. I can learn to deal with that. Although I think that glasses and a few grey streaks might look good on you," he only half-jokes.

Magnus snaps his fingers and Alec chuckles when he looks up at him. "Very distinguished indeed," he laughs about the window glass spectacles, "but salt-and-pepper suits you." He brushes through Magnus' unstyled hair, interspersed with grey streaks now. "But as I said, you don't need to change for me."

"I could glamour you," Magnus offers, snapping again. Alec brushes over his clean-shaven cheek and blows a stray flick of hair out of his eyes.

"No," he says, "that's my past me. Maybe if I wouldn't have aged it would be okay to look like twenty, but ... I like how I'm looking today."

"I like it, too," Magnus says and erases the glamour. He brushes his fingers over Alec's cheek. "You look sexy with a beard. And I love the lines around your eyes and your lips. They are beautiful. They speak of every laugh we shared and every obstacle we cleared. This face reminds me of our life together. It's the most beautiful version of you I know."

Silence spreads between them. It's still loaded and heavy with truth. Both just listen to each other's breathing and soak in the moment of tranquillity.

"If you had the choice, would you still want to live forever?" Alec asks after a while.

Magnus raises his eyebrows. "Good question. I'm not sure. It's kind of asking me if I ever thought about stopping to breathe or to use my magic. It's all part of me. Changing it feels wrong."

Alec sits up and faces him. "That's not what I meant. Let me phrase it differently. Would you advise someone else who had a choice to become immortal to do it?"

Magnus studies his face for a long moment. "Are you asking ...?" 

"We always talked about staying together forever. But it was always clear that forever is not literally forever. Can't be." Magnus nods, his hand searching for Alec's to hold on to. "We need to have this talk, Magnus. Otherwise, it will eat us alive."

Magnus squeezes his hand. "You're right. But I'm scared."

"So am I," Alec whispers. "After all these years I know deep down in my heart that you will love me no matter how old and feeble I am. But I wonder ...," Alec takes a deep breath, "if you _really_ want to do that."

Magnus freezes. What does Alec mean? Does he doubt Magnus to stay to his word? Or is he talking about the unaskable?

"I ... I first thought I should know which way I would choose before I break the question to you. But I realised that I can't leave you out of the discussion no matter how much I want to shelter you from it," Alec explains.

Magnus' heart beats nearly out of his chest at these words.

Alec continues, "I'm not sure what I want at this point in time, but I need to ask you if you ever thought of me becoming immortal or if it never crossed your mind."

Alec looks at him with the same guarded Bambi eyes like all those years ago when he didn't know what to do with all those feelings in his chest whenever he looked at Magnus. He's just as vulnerable as he was back then, doubting himself, his feelings, and Magnus' true love for him. The look throws the warlock off a little and he realises that he stayed silent for a while too long, given that he already knows the answer.

"Whenever I dream, allow myself to ignore reality and just be, then I envision us together for all eternity."

The truth falls heavy between them, both holding tight onto one another, letting the truth finally exist outside their heads.

"Even the way I look today?" Alec asks, insecurity rearing its ugly head.

"You are beautiful and I wouldn't want you any other way unless you'd want me to change it."

Alec shakes his head no, but a small smile tugs on his lips. "Just ... maybe the knee and my spinal discs? And the fingers?" he asks a little blushing.

Magnus gifts him with a wide smile. "But of course, darling," he says and lays his hand on Alec's knee, sending his familiar magic through it and up to his spine over his shoulders to his fingertips. Alec relaxes into the pain-free state and after a few minutes, he crawls into Magnus' lap, his ear right above his husband's drumming heart.

"I love you," the shadowhunter whispers. 

"I love you, too," the warlock whispers back and for the first time in days, a comfortable silence settles between them.


	10. Chapter 10

"It's time you move in with her," Max says over coffee and cake.

"You only want the apartment for yourself," Rafael shoots back.

"Boys!" Magus chimes in, amusement written all over his face.

"Max isn't wrong," Alec laughs. "I moved in with your dad after three months."

"You _married_ him after three months. Not everyone jumps into a relationship without a parachute," Rafael retorts.

Alec shrugs his shoulders. "Shadowhunters love once, fiercely. Why wait when you know it's the love of your life?" he asks smiling and presses a kiss on the back of Magnus' hand. His husband smiles back at him.

"I know, Dad. I wanna. It's just ...," Rafe trails off.

Silence settles thickly between them. That's what comes out of not talking about things. It carries on into the next generation.

Alec clears his throat. "Is it because she's a Seelie?"

"No. Yes. I don’t know," Rafael answers.

"You know, you can always talk to us about anything relationship related," Magnus offers.

"That's the problem. I can't," Rafe says without looking at his parents. The fathers share a meaningful look.

"Tell us, please," Alec says.

"I can't let it get more serious if I'm not willing to take the big step. But you'll only tell me to wait. I'm just not sure if I can do that any longer. I see right in front of me where not doing it leads to."

"Leads to what? What big step are you talking about?" Magnus asks softly. 

"Asking uncle Si to turn me."

The sentence hangs over the dinner table like a thunderstorm cloud. Max's gaze flickers between his parents and his brother. Rafael looks paler than usual. Magnus clenches his jaws together and stares into the empty space. Alec looks strung up, but he takes a deep breath.

"I am sure, you thought about this hard and long," Alec says, "Did you ask Laoghaire what she thinks about it?"

Rafael nods. "Of course, I did. We're talking about it for months now." Magnus' mouth falls open. _Months!?_

"Why didn't you tell us?" the warlock whispers.

"Because I know that it is a difficult topic between you two and I didn't want to poke my head into a hornets' nest," Rafael mumbles.

A small smile plays on Alec's lips. It speaks of pride. "You're much wiser than I was at your age," Alec muses, looking at his eldest. "But our offer still stands: You can talk about this with us. We will support you whichever way. But maybe there are other options to consider. Drinking blood for millennia to come may not be the greatest prospect, don't you think?"

Rafael needs a moment to process what he just heard.

"But what other options could there be?" Max fills the newly evolving silence. 

"Turning him into a warlock for example or maybe a variant of the alliance rune. Auntie Clary could help with that. We could consult the Silent Brothers to see if there is a way to use their rituals without losing your human looks. Or maybe other ways that Warlock or Seelie magic might offer that we couldn't even think of. Actually, ..." Alec looks over to Magnus who still stares at his family, now with his mouth agape. "... I have the requests for the Silent Brothers, the Seelie court, and the Spiral Labyrinth already pre-formulated on my computer."

"You have what!?" Magnus finds his voice again.

Alec fidgets with the ring of his cloth napkin. "I couldn't sleep last night after you said you could imagine staying with me for all eternity."

Max starts laughing and three pairs of eyes pierce him immediately. "I really have the most ridiculous family of all times," he says.

Magnus' face relaxes and he starts chuckling. "Why is that?"

"Because my dad and my big brother fell in love in their early 20s, knew that they will stay with their significant others for literally ever, and I haven't even kissed someone. This really sucks," Max giggles.

"Find yourself a shadowhunter," Rafael suggests.

Max raises an eyebrow and sobers a little. He shakes his head. "I'm not sure if I want to put it on someone else to take on this decision," Max says honestly. "But if I can help you with that, I'm more than happy. I don't want to lose you two, you know. I don't know how ...," he trails off and lowers his gaze. "Damn it!" he says, trying to reign in the tears brimming in his eyes.

Magnus takes his hand and strokes over his knuckles. "No matter what will be. From now on, let's talk about our fears, dreams, and hopes. Okay?"

Rafael nods and gives him a wary smile.

"Be careful what you offer, Papa, or Rafe will talk your ears off about how beautiful and perfect Laoghaire is, and how sexy her Scottish accent," Max chuckles after brushing away the tears.

"At least I have someone to talk about," Rafael teases, nudging him in the side.

"Can't be everyone so lucky," Max grumbles.

"I waited for your father for four centuries," Magnus tries to comfort him, realising that this outlook might not be as solaceful as it was meant.

"Yes," Max rolls his eyes. "You 'waited' for Dad," he says, air quotes and all.

"Maxwell Michael Lightwood-Bane," Alec chides, his tone saying clearly what he thinks about his son's attitude.

"It's easy to judge from the perspective of youth," Magnus says calmly, "I really hope you'll find the love of your life sooner than I did."

"Sorry, Papa," Max replies ruefully.

"It's quite alright, Blueberry."

***

"You really think about it?" Magnus asks when the portal closes behind their sons.

Alec looks at him sheepishly. "I didn't plan to just say it so unceremoniously, but I wanted to keep Rafael from making a rash decision."

"Alexander," Magnus breathes, too overwhelmed to find the words to voice his gratitude.

Alec strokes his thumb over his cheek. "I love you and you deserve this. If you want it, then I will do my best to stay with you for all eternity."

Magnus looks at him with glassy eyes. "Are you sure that _you_ want this?"

Alec's lips widen into a blinding smile. "I thought for so long that I didn't. But hearing you voice it last night made me want to stay. And I ...," he blushes in a pink Magnus hasn't seen on him in ages, "I can't stomach the idea of you being with anybody else ever again." He chuckles awkwardly.

Magnus guffaws at that. "Well," he says, cocking an amused eyebrow, "then we should take action, shadowhunter, don't you think?"

"Yeah," Alec laughs and kisses him, "but after a digestive nap."


	11. Chapter 11

It takes a week to hear back from the Seelie Queen's court. Her Majesty invites them to a private audience. She is a shrewd monarch, perfected her ways to talk around and to obfuscate the truth over centuries, levering the fact that Seelies can't lie.

Neither of the two couples is really thrilled, but as Laoghaire is one of her subjects, chances are good that the Queen won't try to play too mean games with them. Although you can never be really sure about her motives.

Alec and Rafael explain their reasoning for finding a way to become immortal. They are straightforward in their argumentation and level-headed in face of the Queen's usual spiel.

"That is love," the Queen says, "We welcome its cruellest blows and when we bleed from them, we whisper our thanks," she ends her speech and it sounds so strange out of the childlike form she chose for their meeting today. The words don't really put the quartette in a good mood either.

The Queen steps closer to Magnus. He keeps his composure. He remembers that fateful day when he - then the representative of the Warlock community - walked out of the big hall in the New York Institute at the Queen's side, trying to ignore his bleeding heart that Alec still held pulsating in his hand.

Regret washes over Magnus. Even after all those years, the thought of losing Alec - then because of a misguided conflict around the Soul-Sword - still stings. He wishes he would have known what he understands now. That their love really knows no bounds. That Alec was right and not just blinded by his youth when he insisted that they would always find a way back to each other. They did eventually, but not without hurting themselves and the other in the process.

Magnus grabs his husband's hand and intertwines their fingers. Alec frowns but he gives him a smile. Maybe he senses Magnus' inner turmoil. It doesn't matter. Alec's presence anchors him anyway.

The Queen's eyes wander over their hands, a small smile playing on her lips. "So, you think it's true love that led you here?"

"Yes, my Queen," Laoghaire answers and the others nod in agreement.

The Queen tilts her head to the side and scrutinises every single one of them. A shiver runs down Alec's spine. It's way too easy to forget that she is an ancient being behind her facade of a 12-year-old girl.

"Prove it," she says with a force no child's voice should hold and a cloud of fog surrounds them in the blink of an eye. A wind starts blowing, seems to pull on them until the couples can't hold onto each other any longer. They scream each other's names into the dense fog, hands grasping at nothing.

Alec still feels solid ground under his feet, but something has shifted. Instead of stone, he feels soft moss under his boots and when the wind subsides and the fog lifts, he finds himself staring at his eldest son.

"What the ...?" Rafael trails off.

They are standing in a forest. The way the light catches, shimmering in an unearthly manner, it is clear that they are still in the Seelie realm.

"One of her games," Alec sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Always her stupid little games."

Rafael looks around. "What are we supposed to do, Dad?"

Alec works his jaw. "Prove to her that what binds me to your father and you to Laoghaire is true love, I suppose."

"How?"

Alec huffs a mirthless laugh. "My best guess is that we need to find them. These trees aren't just a forest. The Queen can shift dimensions here, glamour paths, can lead us astray. We need to follow our hearts."

Alec closes his eyes and concentrates on Magnus. His chocolate eyes, the curve of his Cupid's bow, the sweep of his eyelashes, the straight line of the ridge of his nose. He thinks of the touch of his hands, the feelings of his lips on his own and then, he feels a tug on his heart. Like a compass needle aligning with the Earth's magnetic field, pointing North.

"Can you feel Laoghaire?" he whispers when he finds his son standing next to him with his eyes closed. Rafael nods and points his hand in the same direction Alec felt.

"They're still together," Alec assesses. "Let's go."

They walk for what feels like hours. The only noise surrounding them are bees and birds, surely sent out to report to their Queen.

Father and son climb hills and stride through valleys, only stopping now and then to readjust their direction. The longer they walk, the stronger grows the pull, until it feels as if two hearts were beating in their chests.

They climb a rocky hill. Alec feels his muscles tiring. Without his stele that he had to leave behind at the entrance to the Seelie realm, he can't even activate his runes. He's just thankful that he allowed Magnus to heal his body. Otherwise, his knee would have probably already stopped this mission. Or not. There is nothing Alec wouldn't do for Magnus and he knows that this is a test. And he will pass it. No matter what.

The moment this thought crosses his mind a gorge opens up in front of them. As they look down over the crag, music rises from below and Rafael points to what seems to be a Seelie party. The people are too far down to recognise faces, but Alec is sure that the Queen and their loved ones are among them.

Rafael looks apprehensively at his father. "I think I could climb down even without my runes. But what about you?"

Alec checks in on his body. _Damn it._ His muscles are tired from hours of walking and he regrets the archery session he had this morning to blow off some of his nervous energy before the audience.

 _The love I have for you is a love that knows no bounds_ , his own and Magnus' wedding vows echo in his head.

"I can do this," Alec says. "We are shadowhunters." He grins at his son. "There is nothing we can't achieve if we set our mind on it."

So he lowers himself on his front and pushes his body back over the cliff edge. Rafael does the same.


	12. Chapter 12

They are halfway down the steep face when Alec needs to stop climbing. Every single one of his muscles burns like fire.

"Keep on going, Rafe. I just need a second," he tells his son and after a long, sad look the young shadowhunter nods and proceeds the descent.

Alec feels the strain in his back and wishes he could just let go. He sees Rafael getting smaller by the minute until he finally reaches the ground. Alec breathes out in relief.

He leans his forehead against the cold stone. There is no use in postponing this. He either makes it to the ground or ...

He sets himself in motion again, his fingers and feet searching for every little edge, concentrating on the next step, climbing down slowly, but steadily.

He's about 30 metres above the ground when he feels eyes on him. Many, many eyes. The music has faded away, no chatter fills the air. It's completely quiet, deathly silent. Even the birds and the bees stopped making sounds. It's an eerie atmosphere.

Alec knows that two of the eyes staring at him are Magnus', even if he can't see him. He closes his eyes and pictures them, their warmth, their kindness, the love that pours out of them every time the warlock looks at him.

A familiar warmth travels through his skin and without seeing it, he knows it is happening. His strength rune lights up as do those for stamina and endurance. His whole body is flooded by energy.

Alec blinks. Is that what happened to Jace when he saw Clary lying there and his runes ignited without a steele during this terrible Azazel ordeal?

 _Trust makes you do strange things._ Love obviously too.

The rest of his descent is easy and Rafael pulls him into his arms, both exhausted, but elated.

Alec scans the crowd for chocolate brown eyes, but he doesn't find them, only the piercing greens of the Seelie Queen.

Alec presses his lips together and works his jaws. "Are you satisfied, your Highness?" he spits out like bile. The queen doesn't even do so much as flinching in the face of such blatant disrespect.

"I must say, I am impressed, shadowhunter. Your dedication is applaudable. But true love is more than feeling connected to another soul. Lust can do that, too. Let's see if you can find your husband in a sea of Seelies. Souls as old as his and little Laoghaire's are pulsating the same way. It takes true knowledge of someone's soul that only those possess who are bound to their partner by a higher power."

Rafael and Alec share a look. The concern in his son's face washes painfully over Alec's heart. Is Rafe doubting that his connection to Laoghaire is strong enough? What if that is the case with Magnus and him?

He pushes the thought away. He will find his husband and end this stupid charade. 

Music rises again and the Seelies start dancing, pulling the shadowhunters in, twirling them around like little teacups. An eerie silence lies under the music. No talk. No laughter. Just the rustling of fabrics and the sounds of shuffling feet.

Alec dances like he never did before, not stepping on a single foot, and he realises that it's not actually him dancing. He is like a leaf in the wind, tumbling around from one pair of arms into the next. Seelie after Seelie after Seelie smile at him. He feels wrong in their arms. Alec for sure knows they aren't his beloved husband.

He doesn't know how long he has been dancing, with how many men and women, when he hears two familiar voices erupt in laughter. Pride and joy spread in his chest for a moment when he sees his son holding his girlfriend tight. Rafael found her!

But the next second, dread tightens its grip around Alec's heart. He needs to find Magnus or he loses everything that ever had meaning in his life.

So he keeps on dancing with strangers, keeps on praying to the angels that they might lead him to his love once more.

He's shoved into the next pair of arms, this time a fair-skinned, blond Seelie with wavy hair and bright blue eyes. She looks familiar. Or maybe she _feels_ familiar. Alec's heart wants to beat out of his chest. What if he is mistaken?

But the pull from deep inside of him is so strong, it's nearly painful. He needs to kiss her! For a split second, he wonders if this is just another of the queen's insidious games. But he can't help it. The pull is too strong. He needs to kiss those plush lips. So he does.

Magnus' magic washes familiar over Alec's skin, soothing the edges and healing the strains of the trial. Tears fall from Alec's eyes in relief and joy. He kisses Magnus once more who looks like himself again, cups his face, not ready to believe yet that he succeeded.

"It's okay, darling," Magnus whispers. "I am here. You did it."

Alec chuckles. "I wasn't sure if I would make it," he confesses.

Magnus leans his forehead against Alec's and whispers in the little space between them, "I always knew you would."

He pulls back and brushes Alec's tears away. The bright smile on his lips mirrors on his husband's face.

A child-like voice clears their throat behind them and Alec rolls his eyes, biting back a snappy comment.

They turn to the queen as the younger couple steps to their side. The Seelie monarch smiles at them. "You mastered your trials, shadowhunters. Your love for your partners is pure and real. I will set my most powerful mages on your case to support you."

And with that she turns and leaves with her entourage, abandoning the couples in the forest now surrounding them. Gone is the steep face that was nearly Alec's demise.

"Well," Magnus says, raising his eyebrows, "that was something."

Alec and the kids laugh. It was indeed.


	13. Chapter 13

"Tessa!" Magnus exclaims stepping out of the portal into his friends' Devon country house. The brown-haired woman fixes him with her grey-blue eyes in an amused gaze.

"Long time no see, long time no say!" she answers with a smile.

"You were busy with travelling and working my dear. I understand," Magnus says and pulls her into his arms. "How is little Mina doing?"

"Little Mina is about to be married," Tessa laughs. "The planning is a nightmare."

"Hello, auntie," Alec says from behind, amused about being ignored by the two old friends.

"Alec, I told you to never call me that again. It's factually wrong anyway," she laughs and gives him a kiss on both cheeks.

"Family trees are confusing," Alec chuckles.

"Jem will be back any minute. He's just picking up the stuff for the afternoon tea."

"No magic?" Magnus teases.

"Not for mundane things," she winks at him.

"So, I think I know why you're here if the grapevine is to be trusted," she says and motions them to take a seat.

"Oh," Alec says, sinking into the sofa.

"A request from the Seelie realm got me thinking and even if it was anonymised I could only think of one couple who might choose this way."

"I don't know if that's a compliment or not," Magnus says, clearly amused.

"It is. You were always prudent, Magnus, and Alec is strategic. He would never do something its outcome can't be calculated." Her eyes linger long on the shadowhunter. "But what made you change your mind, Alec? If you don't mind me asking."

Alec runs his hand over the back of his neck and laughs nervously. "Strictly speaking, I didn't change my mind."

Magnus stares at his husband. "What do you mean?" he asks in surprise.

"Well, I never told you because ... you know ... But before Edom, I asked Simon to turn me, so that I could enter hell."

"You did what!? I can't believe that in all those years, the little blabbermouth never spilt the beans," Magnus chuckles.

"You're not angry?" Alec asks with caution.

Magnus thinks about it and comes to the conclusion, "I would have been at that time and I'm happy it didn't happen. I think we are more ready now for this big decision than we were then. Our wedding was spontaneous enough." He grins.

"Yeah. Not even the time to invite me," Tessa teases and gives him a wink. "So, the decision is fixed?" she asks, her gaze jumping between the two men.

Alec looks at Magnus questioning. "You know my opinion, Alexander, but the final choice needs to be all yours," the warlock says.

Alec nods. "There are many things to consider, like ... Before Andrew was turned, he asked for being deruned. Not just because there could be a conflict of interest of sorts, but also because they didn't know how his turned body would react to the runes. If it would fight them. But honestly, if possible in any way, I'd like to remain a shadowhunter. We know that part warlocks can wear runes due to your children, Tessa. And I wondered, if we took the time, if we were able to find a solution that can give me the immortality that demon blood seems to bring, but without destroying my angelic ancestry and the proficiencies granted by the Angels."

Tessa nods. "We may need to find a good balance, but magic could help with that." She scrutinises him for a moment. "So, you want to become a warlock?"

"I'm not out for getting magical powers. I'd be more than happy to just keep what I have now. Maybe, whatever we're aiming for, is closer to a Seelie anyway, as they have both angel and demon blood."

"You'd be a new species for sure. And there will always be a balance of risk that you may not survive the procedure."

Alec grabs Magnus' hand. "I know. That's why I will be the first to do it. In case it doesn't work ... Rafe will at least have a normal life to live."

Magnus' fingers tighten in Alec's grip. "We will find a safe way for both of you. And if it's too dangerous, there is still Andrew's way if you choose to go that route. I won't risk your life for my selfishness."

"Magnus, my friend. It's not selfish to wish your loved ones to stay part of your life," Tessa scolds him softly.

"But you never chose this. Neither with Will, nor James or Lucie. And Jem ..."

"Jem hasn't made his decision yet," a warm voice comes from the hallway. "Maybe I just wait until others preceded."

They greet their friend with a hug and sit down at the table where Jem serves up sandwiches, scones, jam, and clotted cream.

"So, you're contemplating it, too?" Alec asks when they start eating.

"I lived a long life. But I'm not sure if I'm ready for this step yet. After - for lack of a better word - being _preserved_ as a Silent Brother, I honestly like growing older. But never say never." He smiles warmly.

"I get it," Alec says. "It's not the ageing that bothers me. I'd gladly grow older. The death thing is not as appealing, though. Especially knowing that I would leave Magnus and the boys behind. It's ... I wouldn't mind so much if I knew they would follow me in due time. But for Mags and Max, that is unlikely, and Rafe is set dead on becoming immortal."

"What about your birth family? Do they play a role in the decision-making?" Tessa asks.

Alec shakes his head no. "I talked to my siblings about it. They are worried, but they trust me to make the right choices for me and my family. The thought of leaving them _all_ behind is hard. I'm well aware that one day, they all will be gone. But I won't go through the losses alone. And Magnus will never have to do that ever again either. That's what counts. It took me long enough to understand. But now, I am sure that this is the right path to follow."

Magnus leans over and gives him a kiss on the cheek. He is proud of his strong-minded husband and aflutter with anticipation.


	14. Chapter 14

"Are you alright, darling?"

Magnus puts his hand on Alec's shoulder. The shadowhunter gazes into space over the roofs of Alicante, the demon towers glimmering in their usual silver-white under a full moon.

Alec smiles faintly. "At nights like this, I wonder if all of this was real."

"What do you mean?" Magnus asks, stepping next to him, leaning against the balustrade of the balcony. 

"The night you returned to me. The night Alicante nearly fell and you saved my home, my people."

Magnus smiles poignantly at the memory. "We were real if that's what you really wonder."

"I was _so_ young."

"But you lived through more than most at that age," Magnus adds.

Alec nods. "Too much."

Magnus swallows around the sudden lump in his throat and tries to breathe in deeply to widen his tightening chest. "Do you have second thoughts? About immortality? ... About us?"

Alec turns to face him. "I will never doubt us, love. As you said. What we have is real." He cups Magnus' cheek and brushes a thumb over his cheekbone. "I just ... You gave so much for me, _gave up_ so much for me. Your magic, your life. You are love in the purest form and still, or rather because of it, after all these years, I can't fathom that you really want me. So much harder to imagine you could want to have me forever."

Alec chuckles softly and worries his lower lip. "Giving up my mortality seems a pretty small thing compared to the sacrifices you made. The sacrifices you make every single day, living among my people. I know you have to endure a lot of racism due to your demonic and ethnic background. My people are trying, but there are still forces, people who want to roll back what we achieved.

"I think, beyond finding a way to stay alive, we should think about how our life is supposed to look like. I know you never stayed in one place for too long. Well, in the great scheme of things. If all turns out fine and we really have millennia in front of us, how do you want it to be? You for sure don't want to stay in Idris, do you?"

Magnus purses his lips. "If you ask me like that - no. But I never really thought about it, to be honest. I always thought I would move when you were gone." He scoots closer to his husband. "What do _you_ dream about?"

Alec shrugs his shoulder. "I want to work for the Clave, want to be a thorn in their side. A never-dying pain in the ass," he grins. 

Magnus chuckles. "I like the sound of that."

Alec shakes his head in agreement. He looks down at his hands and grabs the balustrade tighter. "But," he continues, "as much as I always dreamt of living here, I want to find a place that we both can fully call our home. Where both of us are treated with respect. Maybe somewhere nobody knows who and what we are."

Magnus hums in approval. "Yet," Alec adds, "I know your position is important to you and I wouldn't want you to give it up. I wondered if there was a way to constantly connect this place here with one somewhere else. So that I wouldn't need to ask you to portal me every time."

"Like a constant door between here and there? Wouldn't that be against protocol?"

Alec grins wide. "Since when do you care about protocol?" he teases, cocking an eyebrow. 

"Since I live too long among nephilim, as it seems," Magnus chuckles. "I will think about it. But who knows? Maybe soon you're wielding your own magic and realise how useless I am." It's meant as a joke, but it's rough around the edges.

Alec pulls him into his arms. "You, my love, could _never_ be useless, magic or not. Because I wouldn't want to spend a single day without you by my side."

The warlock hides his face in his husband's shoulder, steadying his breathing as best as he can muster.

"What is it, Magnus? What's bothering you?"

Magnus pulls back a little, but keeps his gaze down, fixed to the spot where he knows Alec's mortal heart is beating. Every pulse a grain of sand in his exhaustible hourglass.

"I fear that you might grow to abhor me. When your parabatai is gone, your siblings, when your nieces and nephews die."

Alec leans back and nudges softly against Magnus' chin until he finally meets his eyes.

"A wise man once told me, 'You endure what is unbearable, and you bear it. That is all.' Do you want to tell me, you changed your mind?"

Magnus smiles faintly. "You beat me at my own game, Alexander. But pain ... It can tear your soul into pieces and the scars can ..."

Alec puts his forefinger on Magnus' lips to stop him. "I know. I will suffer. I will cry. I will be devastated. But I will also see our boys grow older and welcome our grandchildren and my siblings' children's children. I can become the guardian of the Lightwood family.

"And we can take in people who need our help, like you took care of Raphael, and took Simon under your wings. There is so much good that I can do, _we_ can do. And I hope that it will carry me through the losses, soothe the pain, just like your love did in the past and for sure will in the future."

Magnus, stunned by Alec's little speech, turns back to the balustrade and looks over the City of Glass. "You are a very wise man, Alexander," he whispers, his voice laced with pride. "I am very lucky to have you by my side."


	15. Chapter 15

The wait is agonising, but there is no use in complaining. Alec knows he could have had this years ago.

Why the heck didn't he think about it all those years? Oh, yeah. Because that's what he always does with things that can be addressed later. Like their first date. Without Magnus pulling him out of his hamster wheel they probably would have never had a chance.

But Alec is a strategist, a doer. Sitting around, twiddling his thumbs waiting for others to do the work isn't really his style. So he walks into their private library and looks through the leather-bound books on the shelves. Most of them he can't even read. They are in long-forgotten languages, mundane and otherwise.

He runs his fingers over the spines, stopping now and then to take a closer look.

He pulls out a book with shadowhunter legends. He grins at that. Of course, Magnus owns a book about _everything_. It's beautifully illustrated and written in Latin. Finally, the traditional shadowhunter education pays off.

Alec thumbs through it. Didn't Jace once say that all the stories are true?

The shadowhunter doesn't understand the pull he feels but he is surrounded by wondrous things and magic way too long to question his intuition.

He settles down in the padded armchair and starts reading.

***

Cat looks at her friend flabbergasted. Her face only gives away surprise but Magnus knows her too well to ignore the tiny twitching of her eyes that show that her mind runs a thousand miles per minute. He studies her over the rim of his tumbler, patiently waiting for her verbal reaction.

She sets her own glass on the coffee table in her living room and takes a deep breath. "He wants to become immortal. Seriously? Does he even comprehend what that means?"

"I doubt that," Magnus answers honestly, "but he understands enough to make this decision. He's not a child, Cat."

Catarina worries her bottom lip and nods after a moment. "How do _you_ feel about it?" she asks, clearly scrutinising him as much as he did her just a moment ago.

"I am elated," he says and puts on his happiest face.

She looks right through him, of course. "Try again."

Magnus chuckles. "I am. Aaaand I'm scared shitless."

"That sounds more like it," she smiles at him warmly.

"It's risky on so many levels. Firstly, will, whatever we manage to cook up, even work? If not, will it hurt him or even worse? And secondly, if it works, will he grow to resent me one day? Couples drift apart all the time."

Catarina hums in agreement. "And others' love grows and grows," she adds.

"I wish I could believe in destiny. Everything would be so much easier."

"Since when do you not believe in destiny. _Hard-earned_ destiny? Magnus, you _are_ a believer. I thought Alec cracked that armour of nonchalance years ago."

Magnus smiles. "He really did, didn't he? I was so sarcastic then. He taught me to love life again, to live love again."

"Here we go," Cat chuckles. "But you're making good points. Did you talk about them?"

"But of course. We're talking about it every spare minute. It's still not a fixed deal. I know that. But pulling in the advice of the big institutions was a big leap and sometimes I fear that Alec could take the step not out of free will, but because it is a logical consequence of his earlier decisions."

Cat nods. "I think he should talk with people from 'both sides'. Those who are immortal, those who chose not to be. He must have his motivation clear. Love is great. But he should want it for himself as well, not just for you."

"You're absolutely right, my dear. I should probably encourage him to do so."

Cat puts her hand on his knee. "I know that it feels like pushing him back from the solution your heart longs for, but he will step over this line much more confident for it. I am sure of that."

"Yes." Magnus clears his throat. "What do you think about it?"

Cat smiles. "I think it's great. You deserve to keep your family. And I think it's great that Madzie can keep both of her godfathers."

She holds out her glass and Magnus clinks his own against it.

***

Magnus finds his husband asleep in the armchair. He takes the book precariously hanging off his lap and puts it on the side table next to him. He looks down at Alec smiling.

His husband is so beautiful. Even after all those years, Magnus can't stop admiring his features, the small lines around his eyes just as much as his angelic looks that never seem to fade. He looks his fill for another minute. Then, he softly wakes him up.

"Hey, sleepyhead. Come to bed. You're getting a stiff neck."

"Huh? Why are you already back? You just left," Alec asks, rubbing his eyes.

"I've been away for five hours, darling," Magnus chuckles. "Cat gives her regards."

Alec pulls him on his lap and kisses him. "I missed you."

"You took a nap."

"I fell asleep studying," he pouts.

Magnus looks at the book title. "Really? Shadowhunter legends?" He frowns. "What is there to study?"

Alec rolls his eyes, but more in amusement than annoyance. He opens the book and searches through the pages until he finds where he read last.

"And it came to pass in those days of war that a shadowhunter fell in love with a Seelie," he starts translating easily from Latin. For a second, Magnus fantasises about teaching Alec all the languages he knows. Eternity would give them time for that.

"It is a story about a Nephilim who changed sides," Alec continues. "Look here," he taps on an illustration, all remnants of sleep gone, "he undertook a ritual to become immortal for his lover. He seems to have succeeded. At least if the happy ending," he turns to the next page, "is to be believed."

Magnus runs his fingers over the drawing. It shows a female Seelie with wings kissing a clearly runed man.

"If this legend is true, they may still be alive," Magnus whispers.

"And if they are, they could tell us how it worked," Alec adds and kisses his temple.


	16. Chapter 16

"So, you made your decision?" Jace asks as they stand in front of the wide wooden tables in the Institute's archive.

"Yes," Alec replies with the stubborn certainty that Jace loves about his brother. "You lucky bastard won't go through losing your parabatai. I can't believe I have to do this _again_ ," Alec chuckles.

"Bro! Not cool!" The events at Lake Lyn are still a difficult matter.

Alec's face becomes sober in the blink of an eye. "Sorry. But that's part of it, Jace. I will lose all of you eventually. But this time, you will be gone for real."

"I am sorry, Alec."

"Don't be. I ... will get through it. I am strong," he says as if to assure himself. He doesn't want to think about it. But repression isn't healthy, even if it is one of his favourite coping mechanisms.

Jace puts a hand on his shoulder. "I know that. But I also know how difficult it can be for the surviving parabatai. Just ... let others help you through it, okay? You don't have to manage on your own."

"Says the right one," Alec teases and Jace grins cheekily, nudging him with his elbow.

"I know how bad it can be. Jem told me that Will nearly lost it when their bond ripped and he thought his parabatai had died. Jem didn't feel it then. He was too out of it through the Silent Brother ceremony. But it came crashing back when he turned human again. He said, even after all those years, there is emptiness where their rune has been. His heart still aches for Will. He is dead for over a century now."

"Alec ..."

The older brother holds up a hand to stop the younger. "It's _my_ choice, Jace. And I will gladly carry the memory of you inside of me for the rest of my life. Just let us find out if this myth is true. It might make the transition way safer for me."

Jace nods and pulls him into a tight hug that says more than a thousand words ever could, and they return to the books laid out on the table.

"His name is surely a chosen one," Alec muses. "There is no Nephilim family even remotely close to being called 'Driftwood'. Strange name anyway."

Jace hums in agreement. "How did he meet the Seelie?"

"I sent you a picture of the book pages. Is your Latin really that bad that you couldn't translate it?" Alec chuckles.

"My French is much better," Jace shoots back, sticking out his tongue.

"Ugh!" Alec says and clocks him half-heartedly at the back of his head.

Alec concentrates on the task at hand. "Through a battle of some kind he fell into a stream, bleeding and half dead. The Seelie rescued him and nursed him back to full strength."

"Maybe that's why he chose the name."

"Possible," Alec agrees.

"But the Seelie Queen didn't mention him at your meeting, you said. Maybe she isn't even aware that this couple exists."

"I'm not gonna ask her," Alec spits, still angry at her using him and Rafe as toys for her amusement.

"No. But maybe another Seelie can help us. If there is a Nephilim legend, maybe there is a Seelie version, too."

Alec nods. "I need to call Helen."

***

"Yes, my mother told me a similar story when I was little," Helen confirms.

"But she was a princess of the Seelie Court. How could she know the story, but the Queen doesn't?" Alec asks.

"You know I only lived my first years in the Seelie realm. But if I remember right, it was a story only told in hushed voices. I think my mother loved it because she missed my father. But either way, maybe it is something that was hidden even from the queen. You know how much she loves playing games. And if the Seelie in the story was well-respected, others might have shielded her from their queen's intervention."

"But that means that they had to live somewhere else. The queen has spies everywhere in her realm," Alec says.

"Yes. Imagine that, Alec! An immortal shadowhunter living in the mundane world," Helen squeaks enthusiastically. "That could be your jackpot."

***

It takes three weeks to get a proper lead on Driftwood. Okay, maybe Alec used every single Seelie contact in his phone, disguising this as a Clave history project of some kind (he never uses his title, but his name is well-known; and Seelies disguise the truth constantly, so he sees it as a little payback).

But the Clave's archive was helpful, too. And luck. Alec would agree that it was mostly luck that brought him to this old forest, not far away from the borders of Idris.

"Are you sure about this?" Magnus asks.

"And you?" Alec asks in return.

Magnus huffs out a laugh. "Ready as I could ever be," the Warlock says and scans the surroundings with his magic. "There are wards, maybe a mile west of here," he says. "Looks like Seelie magic to me, although there is something woven into it. It seems suspiciously like someone I know had his fingers in this," he chuckles.

Alec frowns at Magnus who happily strides ahead.

It's not long until they reach a green wall of fire. Magnus chuckles. "The little bugger," he laughs.

"Who? Ragnor?"

Magnus smiles at that. Even though he never met his husband's late friend, Alec knows that this term is reserved for his little cabbage.

"Yes. I actually went through something similar on the day of your wedding," Magnus says, pushing away the thought of his friend's death by focusing on their first kiss instead. "It's a magical wall that only those pure of heart and intention can pass. Very clever, considering that some might not be pleased with an immortal shadowhunter."

"You think we can get through it?" Alec asks, a frown distorting his face.

Magnus cups his cheeks and pulls him into a kiss. "I don't know anybody who has a purer heart and better intentions than you, darling."

He kisses his husband again and intertwines their fingers. "Ready?"

Alec chuckles. "With you on my side? Always."


	17. Chapter 17

Ragnor's magic washes over Magnus' skin. It is so soothing and familiar. Welcoming nearly. The Warlock feels tears well up in his eyes. Even after all this time he still misses his old friend.

He still visits his grave on every anniversary of his death. Alec comes with him and listens to his stories about the horned green Warlock that saved his life more than once and whose ghost motivated him to show up at Alec's wedding.

Magnus steps out of the wall and breathes out in relief when he still feels Alec's hand in his. You never know what the old Warlock had in petto. But they both passed the test.

They see a house in the distance. The chimney is smoking and the rooms are dimly lit. The closer they get the clearer it is that this house is old. Very old. It is mud-walled and the light coming through the lead glass is definitely not artificial.

The only thing that helps them not to feel like thrown into Doctor Who's latest episode are the wards dimly glowing in the moonlight. They look like vines, trailing around the little homestead like ivy. Magnus admires them for a moment. He runs his hand over them, feeling the careful, yet friendly magic responding to his own.

The front door opens slowly and through it steps a couple. Her ethereal beauty and pointy ears reveal her as a Seelie. The man's dark runes stand out against his tanned skin. Their clothes look like those that Alec knows from the LARPing weekend Simon pressured him into. These people - they are truly from another world.

"Good evening," Magnus says and the couple looks at him with furrowed brows. They answer something in a language that reminds Alec of German, but he doesn't really understand anything.

But Magnus seems to as he switches easily. Alec guesses that he introduces them and tells them how and why they found them. Alec tries to look harmless. It's all that he can do.

At one point, all three turn to him, looking expectantly. Alec gives Magnus a side-look but his husband only watches him, seemingly waiting for him to speak.

"What am I supposed to say? They can't understand me," Alec whispers.

"Oh. I'm sorry," Magnus says and asks the couple something. Both nod and Magnus casts a spell. "So. Now everyone can understand everyone," he smiles.

The Seelie snickers. "Welcome to our home, Alec. It's a pleasure to meet you," she says.

"The pleasure is all mine," he replies and gives her a kiss on the hand. It feels appropriate.

The couple asks them inside and they settle in the living space. The man - Driftwood - puts more wood on the flickering flames in the open fireplace and settles into a chair.

"Who is the fair lady who stole your heart, dear brother?" he asks and Alec swallows hard. The man in front of him grew up in the Middle Ages and seems to have been isolated from the outside world for centuries. How progressive can he be?

"My love is a Warlock," Alec says carefully. "And we are the parents of two wonderful sons."

He sees Magnus' gentle smile out of the corner of his eye. He hates that he has to hide his love for him.

"And you came to learn how I made it to the other side," Driftwood says, a proud smile playing on his lips. "In all those years, no one passed this barrier. Many tried, but no one was ever worthy of it."

"The Warlock who helped us create the ritual, he erected the wall to protect us," the Seelie woman - Adalind - explains.

"Ragnor helped you with the ritual?" Magnus asks flabbergasted.

"You know him?" the Seelie asks in amazement.

"I _knew_ him," Magnus answers. "He died 25 years ago. He was my mentor and one of my best friends."

Driftwood lays his hand on Magnus' knee. "My heartfelt sympathy!" he says.

Magnus nods in thanks. He clears his throat. "How did he do it? I know his magic was strong, but this ritual seems too big, even for a powerful Warlock like him."

Adalind nods. "We joined our magic. I am a mage, you must know. But it took even more than that. We needed a blood ritual."

Alec's eyes grow wide at that. He knows that blood magic is dark magic and usually calls for very specific sacrifices.

"With demon blood," the older shadowhunter hastens to say. "No one was harmed in the process."

Alec breathes out in relief. 

Adalind explains, "We needed a Greater Demons' blood. That was the hardest part, besides the spells. When everything was prepared, we just had to wait for the next full moon."

"I suppose you summoned the demon yourself with your own blood?" Magnus inquires.

Surprise sinks in Adalind's features. "You're well versed in Seelie magic as I can see. Not many know that Faerie blood is capable of doing that," she says.

Magnus smiles. "I had a good teacher."

Pride spreads in Alec's chest. He knows that his husband is smart and one of the most powerful warlocks alive. Still, his knowledge surprises him again and again. Sometimes he just forgets how old his beloved truly is.

"Driftwood, I hope you don't mind me asking. What are you now?" Alec asks.

The other Nephilim smiles. "I am still a shadowhunter. I can still use my runes."

"But how did you know then that the ritual had worked?" Magnus asks. "On the face of it, everyone would think you're an ordinary shadowhunter. Well, as ordinary as shadowhunters can be," he grins.

Adalind smirks. "You'll see tonight," she promises and her husband touches them softly on their temples.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I managed to post the wrong chapter today. 🙈 So here is the real chapter 18. But you get two chapters in one day as compensation. 😁

Magnus wakes up in the morning after a restful night. He frowns a little at the memory of his dream. It was different. Much more visceral and vivid. Like a look into a future that he wasn't aware he wanted, until now.

He opens his eyes and finds his husband staring back at him. "I had the most intense dream of my life," Alec says.

"Good morning to you too," Magnus smiles and Alec chuckles.

"Good morning, love," he says and kisses Magnus chastely. "Still. It was like having a plain look into the future."

"What was it about?" Magnus asks, heart thumping wildly in his chest.

"We opened a children's home for Shadow world orphans. You taught the Warlock kids how to use their magic and I trained the Seelie children how to fight. There was something like a school where kids of every Shadow world race got schooled. On mundane culture, too. Clary was an art teacher."

Magnus' breath hitches. "And we had a new Warlock child, looking like a baby dragon," Magnus whispers.

Alec looks at him with wide eyes. "You had the same dream!? How ...?"

Magnus starts cackling. "Driftwood! That's what he did!" 

Alec watches him laughing for a while. "Care to share with the crowd?"

Magnus grins. "When he touched us, he gave us a very special gift. A dream."

"A dream?"

"Yes. You don't know who can give you such a gift?" Alec shakes his head no. "Only Seelies can do that. And shadowhunters who became immortal for a Seelie as it seems."

"So, he shares some or all of her abilities?"

"I would guess just some. She's a mage. He could have shown it any other way, but he gave us a dream, not a magical performance."

Alec hums. "So. I might get some of your abilities, too?"

Magnus feels a thrill running through his body. What a thought! Alec, wielding magic? He kind of likes the idea.

"Do you think it was a prediction? Do Seelies have second sight?"

"No. But I think he wanted to show us what we _want_ to do even if we weren't aware of it."

"We could help so much more kids than we'd be able to if we took them in ourselves. And the school could intensify the understanding between the different groups. Why haven't we thought about that earlier?"

"Apparently, we have. Just subconsciously."

Alec smiles. "This is ... Magnus, we could ..."

"I know," he smiles.

***

"Whatcha looking at?" Alec asks when he finds Magnus bowed over his desk.

Magnus looks up. "The Book of the White."

Alec furrows his brow. "I thought Catarina took it to the Spiral Labyrinth."

"Yes," Magnus grins. "Let's call it ... a backup copy."

"All those years and you never told me," Alec chuckles.

"Because I never took it out. It's usually secure in my safe. But Adalind said that Ragnor used it for their spell."

"The book is this old?"

Magnus purses his lips. "Older than me. Maybe older than Ragnor was."

"Can you replicate the spell?"

"I think I can. I will ask Tessa for help. I'm not really versed in blood magic." He shudders.

"What will it look like? Do I have to drink it or smear it all over me?"

"I honestly don't know." Alec chuckles. "Hey, are you laughing down at me?" Magnus faux pouts.

Alec grins and presses a peck on his cheek. "Never. I'm just happy to see that even your knowledge has its limits."

Magnus cocks an eyebrow. "Enjoy the moment. That won't happen very often."

"I know," Alec says and leans against the desk. He runs his fingers through the short hair on the nape of Magnus' neck. "I have the most brilliant husband in the world. And I'm lucky enough that he doesn't laugh down at _me_."

"Never." Magnus raises from his chair and steps between Alec's legs. "Because my husband is wonderful, and smart, and ..."

"And?" Alec's lips quirk up in amusement.

"And ... the best companion I have ever had," Magnus grins from ear to ear.

Alec nods and raises an eyebrow. "Companion, huh?"

"Sure," Magnus says, gives him a peck on the nose and slowly walks out of his apothecary, swinging his hips, well-knowing that he has Alec's sole attention.

"You'll be the death of me," Alec murmurs.

"Nope. I will be the _life_ of you, darling," Magnus chirps from afar and Alec shakes his head laughing. He gets up and follows his husband, just like the good _companion_ that he is.

***

A telltale sound of an arriving fire message gets closer and even in his blissed-out, after-orgasm haze Alec's shadowhunter reflexes let him catch it.

"Who is it?" Magnus murmurs into his chest, his breath tickling Alec's skin.

Alec snickers. "It's Laoghaire. She writes, _My Queen gave her allowance and my cousin is on board._ What does that mean?"

Magnus kisses his neck. "That means we have a Seelie mage who is willing to join their magic with mine."

Alec turns to face him. "You plan to do the spell? No, Magnus! No!"

Alec's voice is so vigorous that Magnus pulls a few inches away. "Why not?"

"Why? Seriously!? What if something goes wrong? You would _never_ forgive yourself!"

"And you think I could ever forgive myself if I allowed someone else to mess it up?"

Alec ponders it. "I don't know. Probably not."

"We know _how_ it works. We know _that_ it works. We just have to get the details right that Adalind doesn't remember after all these years. It will be fine, Alexander. I won't use a spell that could go wrong. I won't risk your life."

"I know that. It's just. We're getting closer and suddenly ..."

"... it's getting real." Alec nods. "If you don't want to do it anymore or if you need time to think about it - that's quite alright, darling." He brushes a hand soothingly through Alec's hair.

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

Alec breathes out a long sigh. "I think, I ... It's stupid."

"Uh-uh. Come on. Spit it out."

"I just feel like ... I need my mother's blessing."

Magnus looks at him for a long moment. "I understand. She gave birth to you and even though you'll still be a shadowhunter, you will change and leave the Nephilim to become your own."

"Yeah."

"You should tell your family anyway before we do the ritual."

"I know," Alec says. "In case I don't make it."

"No," Magnus says with certainty, "because it is an important step and you need to know that they'll have your back, no matter what."


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a mix-up with the chapters. Please, make sure you read chapter 18 before this. I'm sorry. 🙈

The bell at the door rings as Alec enters the bookshop. So many memories are bound to this place. The shadowhunter tries to shake them off. After all those years, it still reminds him of his darkest moment. That's why he usually doesn't come here. But his mother is busy.

Even in her 70s, Maryse is agile and far from retirement. Alec had hoped to age like her - graceful and full of life. It's a strange thought that he won't.

"Alec!" she calls from the back. "What a surprise. It's great to see you." She pulls him into a tight hug.

"Luke told me you're here. I hope I don't interrupt anything."

"Nothing that can't wait. Sit down, I'll put on the kettle."

Alec smiles. His mother is on a tea trip lately.

"So, why'd you come?" she asks after nursing her first cup.

"Am I so predictable?"

She smiles at her eldest son. "A mother knows when their child's heart is heavy. Is it something with the boys? Or Magnus?"

Alec shakes his head. "No, at least not yet. It's about me, actually. A big change."

Maryse studies his face for a long moment. "What is it?"

Alec chuckles nervously. "I decided to give up my mortality."

Maryse nods. "I knew this day would come," she says softly. "You two ... you're meant to be together."

"You and Luke, too. But ..."

She lays a hand on Alec's arm. "It's different. We are both mortals. None of us will leave the other one behind for millennia to come."

"Why is everyone so supportive? Not one of you is against it. Not even Iz," Alec chuckles.

"Because we all love Magnus and we see how happy you make him."

"But what if ... I will lose you all. What if it breaks me?"

Maryse shakes her head. "You are the strongest person I know, Alec. You know how much it hurt when your father died. But," she puts her hand on his chest right over his heart, "we will all stay here with you."

She raises her hand to cup his face and brushes her thumb over his cheek. "Why are you really here? For me to play the devil's advocate? Or are you afraid of your own courage?"

Alec smirks. "Maybe both."

"It _is_ a great step. But you're preparing for it since the day you laid eyes on him. You two are a force of nature. You defied destiny the moment you chose him in front of all those people. And you'll defy nature for staying with him. It's just logical," she smiles.

"Thank you, Mum. I really needed to hear this."

***

"So, we need to carve grooves into the stone floor to fill it with the blood? I won't have to touch the nasty stuff?" Alec asks.

Cat, Tessa, and Magnus share an amused look. "There are different ways to do blood spells," Tessa explains. 

"We decided to choose the most civilised version," Cat adds with a wink.

Alec nods with a thankful smile. "So, we need to do this and get the demon blood with Laoghaire's help. Then it's showtime?"

Magnus scrutinises him from a few metres away but says nothing. His eyes are careful and Alec worries that he still doesn't fully believe him to really go through with it. Or maybe he worries that he does and fails?

Alec hates the uncertainty in his husband's eyes. Normally, Magnus is the upbeat one, always optimistic and exhilarated by a challenge. But this one touches so many of his personal issues, probably even some Alec isn't even aware of.

Alec steps closer to him and takes his hand. He puts the other hand around Magnus' neck, brushing his fingers through the short hair on the back.

"Will you show me how to do this? The carving, I mean."

"I think there is someone more qualified than me," Magnus smiles, leaning into Alec's gentle touch.

Alec frowns. "Who?"

Magnus chuckles. "The only artist we know."

***

Clary and Alec sit on the cold floor, carving the pentagram and sigils in the adamant stone. It feels like closing a circle.

It's the same room they summoned Valak all those years ago and Alec's internalised homophobia had nearly cost his parabatai's life. It had also been the day Alec had started to realise that Magnus was more than just another man that he wasn't allowed to have and that the Warlock had the potential to bring his whole world down. He eventually did, but not in the least as Alec had expected.

Clary corrects his hand posture holding the chisel for the umpteenth time, still with a smile on her lips and a bucket full of patience. Motherhood really changed her, but Alec can still see the hard-headed teenager shimmering through who charmed everyone's pants off. Not his, but she wore him down eventually.

"I think you're really brave," she says apropos of nothing.

"I think I am selfish," Alec retorts.

"Maybe you're both," she says with a grin. "But I get it. Back at Lake Lyn, I was ready to do anything to bring Jace back."

"Would you do it again? I mean, now."

Clary stops for a moment, her hands sinking into her lap. "Yes. Now, yes. In 60 years? No."

"Why not?"

"Because he and I, we aren't made for eternity. Not in the mortal world at least. But, Alec, that shouldn't affect your decision at all. It doesn't matter what _we_ would do. Why are you so afraid of what your heart so clearly decided to want a long time ago? It's not the ritual that is holding you back. You're a badass shadowhunter. You're not afraid of that."

"That's the point. Shouldn't I be worried? Shouldn't I doubt? I can't find a single flaw in all of this and it's driving me crazy."

Clary chuckles and smiles at him warmly. "Maybe you can't find it because there is nothing to doubt. You love and trust Magnus. He is your world."

Alec remembers speaking these words out loud only a few metres away all those years ago, pleading with Lorenzo to save his beloved. It has been true then and it is even more true now.

"This Driftwood. Did you ask him if he ever regretted taking the step?"

Alec blushes a little and nods. "I went back to them without Magnus to talk about this and other things."

"And?"

"He did not regret it for a single moment."


	20. Chapter 20

Max pulls him into a crushing hug. Alec pats him on his back, laughing. "This isn't our last goodbye, Son," he says.

After he lets go of his father, Cat gives the young Warlock a side hug. "You and me, Tessa, Madzie, and your father would _never_ let this happen," she promises. Max smiles at her nervously. 

Alec looks at the summoned crowd of people. They are his family, blood and chosen alike. He knows they are all worried despite some of them sporting very believable smiles.

He has told every single one from Simon to Maryse, from Laoghaire to Jace, from Cat to Izzy that he loves them. He wasn't saying goodbye and still ...

Alec ushers them all out of the loft. He can't have them here in case anything goes wrong. And even if it should be plain sailing - Driftwood was out for a few days. He doesn't want anyone to worry more than strictly necessary.

Magnus closes the heavy wooden door behind them and Alec takes a deep breath before he steps into the circle around the carved pentagram.

Phelan, Laoghaire's mage cousin, gives him an encouraging smile. He is going to lead the ritual.

It was hard to decide who else would assist. Adalind and Driftwood had done it with Ragnor alone, but both the Seelie and the Warlock had been pretty much depleted after the ritual. To avoid this, they asked Tessa and Cat in their midst. They had assisted with Laoghaire's summoning of the Greater Demon, too. By the Angels, was he pissed. But they got enough of his blood to do the ritual twice.

Magnus flashes Alec a smile but the shadowhunter knows that he put it on for his sake. He pulls Magnus into his arms and kisses him.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace," Alec whispers in his ear and it has the desired effect. Magnus chuckles and relaxes in his arms.

"I love you, Alexander. For now and forevermore," he says for only Alec to hear.

"I love you, too, Magnus. For all eternity."

They share a last kiss and lean their foreheads together, steadying each other with soft smiles and sweet nothings.

Then, Alec steps into the circle.

Tessa and Cat fill the carved pentagram with the Demon blood, the fluid running in circles and straight lines until it is filled to the brim.

Black candles light themselves in answer and the tension in the air rises. The Warlocks and the Seelie mage join hands, the closing sound evoking memories of the same thing happening 25 years ago. Alec can't suppress a smile. Such a long journey to reach this day. And he wouldn't change a single moment of it.

Phelan chants a spell in a long-forgotten Seelie language that only the mages still master. The words sound like an ancient song, soft vowels like honey wash over him, clearing his mind. They tell about love and union, growth and sharing. The words lay themselves around Alec’s chest like tendrils. He can feel them on his skin. It's a strange sensation.

Then Cat starts to chant in a Demonic language. It's harsh and guttural. The plain opposite of Phelan's. The blood under Alec's feet starts boiling. It moves through the grooves in a constant flow. Alec feels heat crawling up his legs, biting in his skin. It's nothing compared to the fire that sent them to Edom, but it is disturbing nonetheless.

The Seelie magic feels like a spring breeze as the Demonic magic feels like a forest fire. Alec looks at Magnus. The man who is shunned due to his Demonic heritage and who embodies compassion like no one else. Alec loves his magic. It always feels like _love_. Alec couldn't describe it any other way. It is all-consuming yet tenderly healing. And it's running now over his skin, merging the dual sensations, making them one.

Alec lets the sounds of the two different incantations wash over him. They sound like a duet, like yin and yang, harsh and soft, eternal and new.

Alec feels dizzy. He starts to sway. His blood is boiling in his veins. It ignites his runes that start glowing on his skin. They light up all at once and Alec screams in pain. A rush of energy swipes through his body like a tsunami. It's nearly too much, feels like burning from the inside out. Maybe his angel blood is fighting against the magic working inside him, betraying destiny?

His head is pounding, the world seems to spin around him. He can no longer hold his gaze on Magnus' face. He loses sight of everything. He feels his skin burning, his insides churning. He feels like detaching from himself. Maybe he does. 

He sees the circle from a bird's eye view, looks down at himself. It's a weird feeling. As fast as he slipped out of his shell, he rams back into it again, his body not feeling like his own.

His life rushes by and around him like and art installation. He sees their first kiss, Edom, how they found Max and he Rafael. He sees his mother's wedding and his father's funeral. He sees Jace with the twins and Izzy fighting demons. He sees Madzie and Maxwell, Luke and Jem, Maia and Raphael. All those people who took him in and loved him through the rough patches as much as through the good times.

He sees them, memories like pictures, as if to say goodbye, before they are ripped away. He tries to cling onto them, but they tear like rice paper. In the end, he sees Magnus, shimmering and beautiful. And then, everything goes black.


	21. Chapter 21

"Papa, you need to get some rest," Max says sternly. "I will watch over him."

"I can get rest when he's awake," Magnus replies stubbornly.

"It's been five days, Papa. You. Need. Sleep," Rafael insists. "You're not gonna be of any use if you pass out from exhaustion."

"I won't leave him!" Magnus croaks. He knows that his boys are right but looking down at Alec's even paler than usual skin, he can't help but fix his gaze on his steadily rising and falling chest. It's a lifeline, the only thing keeping him from sinking into the quicksand that opened up when Alec fell into his arms after the ritual.

It's all his fault. Alec could be at work now, annoyed by some stupid Clave thing. Instead, he's lying in their bed and no one knows when or even if he will wake up. Or in what state.

But Magnus feels his magic burning out, leaving no energy to force his eyes to keep open for very much longer. He's beyond any boundary his body has ever crossed. Wistfully, he remembers the time Alec offered him his strength. The thought of those beautiful eyes never opening up to look at him like he did then breaks his heart.

"We understand, Papa. Just lay down and we'll keep watch. Just sleep a little. Please," Rafael says and Magnus nods. He slides under the blanket, not caring that he's fully dressed, still in the same clothes he wore during the ritual. He lays his hand on Alec's chest and slips into sleep within the blink of an eye.

Max sighs in relief. Rafe pulls him into a tight hug. "He's gonna be okay."

"I know," Max says. "He has to." He conjures two chairs and they settle down next to the bed, watching over both their fathers. "I just don't understand why it's taking him so long."

"Tessa said that it might take longer because he didn't digest the blood like Driftwood did," Rafael says.

"Yes. But why this state? I would understand if it's just taking longer until we get a sign, but he's been out for days. Driftwood was just exhausted, not comatose."

Rafael grabs his brother's hand. "There can be many reasons. But he is okay. You scanned him yourself. And you saw the changes happening on a molecular level. They may be slower than we expected but they _are_ happening."

"What if they aren't good? What if it didn't work? What if something went wrong?"

"Hey, we're Lightwood-Banes. There is nothing we can't fix or do. Broken noses and all."

Max snickers. "Grandma was so proud of Dad. She loves telling this story."

"Much to Papa and Daddy's chagrin," Rafael laughs.

They fall silent and watch their parents for hours. They are both exhausted but no one could pull them from the bedside, even though Cat and Tessa offer to take over from them.

Max is slowly dozing off when he feels Rafael's tight grip on his arm. "Look!"

Instantly, the young Warlock is wide awake and alert. He watches Alec's hands twitching, the first movement in days.

Both men jump off their chairs. Max calls up his magic to scan his father when a wave of green sparkles runs over the sleeping shadowhunter. Rafael is taken aback by surprise and worry. Neither his Warlock father nor his brother has green magic. So, whose is it?

"We should wake Papa," Rafael whispers but they don't need to as Magnus shoots up into a sitting position, eyes wide and breathing heavy.

"What happened?" he demands to know.

"He started twitching a few seconds ago and now there's ..." Max trails off.

"Alexander? Can you hear me, darling?"

Alec's eyelids twitch and a soft groan of pain falls from his lips. His hands move to his head, the magic collecting in his hands as he presses them into his skull. His face relaxes and he smiles.

Magnus watches the spectacle with awe. Did his husband ... just heal a headache?

Alec's eyes open slowly. His smile widens when he sees his husband's face. "There you are," he says and Magnus gives him a mild slap to his chest.

"That's supposed to be my line here," Magnus chuckles. "How dare you make me worried like this?" he asks softly.

Alec's happiness turns into concern. "What happened?" he asks and pushes up into a sitting position.

"You fell. I could catch you but you were out for nearly six days."

"I'm sorry," Alec says and cups his husband's cheek. A little spurt of green magic runs over Magnus' face and Alec's eyes grow wide.

"I guess, it worked," Magnus chuckles.

"Green. I have magic and it's ... green."

"That little bugger," Magnus laughs.

"Ragnor?"

"He visited me in my dreams. He said he wanted me to remember who made this possible. No idea how he manages to help me even from the afterlife."

"Oh, teaching you will be so much fun, Dad!" Max teases, relief washing over him as he pulls his father into his arms.

Rafael itches to do the same. "Is anything hurting?" he asks when he pulls back after his turn.

"My legs are burning," Alec says.

"Likely the remnants of the Demonic fire. I can heal that," Magnus offers, hands already moving. But Alec catches him.

"Give me my stele, Rafe," Alec orders and his son obliges. Alec draws an Iratze close to both ankles. The pain eases within seconds. "I'm still ..." Alec swallows hard.

"That you are, darling. And so much more," Magnus smiles and crashes their lips together.

Max grins to Rafael and motions them to leave. They know how their fathers get sometimes ...


	22. Chapter 22

**January 18, 2111**

Alec pulls Clary in his arms as Simon squeezes her shoulder. "Who would've thought, us three, here, today?" the vampire says.

"Yeah," Clary chuckles. "38 years and this asshole is still commanding us around."

Alec smirks. "Oh, he would have loved that."

So many things happened in the last 70 years. The loss of his parabatai was the worst. Right before burying Izzy and waiting for Clary to crawl out of her own grave after a rogue vampire got and kept her until the only decision was between letting her die or resurrect her as a vampire. Just like she couldn't 30 years earlier, Jace couldn't let her die either. So she's standing here, 119 years old, looking 50 years old max, holding tight to her brother-in-law, and her best friend and clan leader.

It hasn't been easy, seeing all their mortal family members and friends die one after the other. Alec's side, where the parabatai rune once was etched into his skin, still ached from time to time. A phantom pain. He learnt to live with it.

He gives Clary a kiss on her temple and a small smile. "Ready to celebrate his life?" he asks.

"Nightfall can't come early enough," she smirks.

***

Shax demons. They all hate them. A full nest of them. Magnus grins over to Alec, who returns a smirk. "Ready, darling?"

"Always, my love."

Magnus calls up his magic. It flickers in anticipation. Alec loves the blue flames. So powerful and yet comforting.

He looks over to Max, hands already alight. Rafael chuckles as he manifests his uncle's favourite seraph blade. This would be a party to Jace's liking.

Clary gives Simon a last wink before they run with vampire speed to reach the back so that the group can attack from every side.

Alec nods and stays put while the others are moving. He is still the one having everyone's back. His runed bow lies familiar in his hand, ready to take out every demon daring to attack one of his loved ones.

He watches Magnus send a blow, taking out five of the nasty bastards. Rafe kills one after the next while Clary does the same with her blade.

Alec sees arrows fly from the other side of the industrial building. No, he sees their _impact_. It had needed years and some magical enforcement to create a bow and arrows that survived vampire speed. A proud smile washes over Alec's face seeing the results of his ardent student, Simon.

Alec watches Rafael stumble out of the corner of his eyes. He pulls an arrow out of his quiver. It's shimmering green, fully made out of Alec's magic. He gets moving, sends arrow after arrow after arrow through the room, every single one a strike, and protects his son while he's finding his footing again.

The battle lasts fifteen minutes, the nest has no chance against this group of immortals.

Magnus runs over to Alec, kissing him on the cheek. "I think we deserve pie now," he grins.

"At the Institute?" Simon asks.

"No," Alec smiles. I think the garden of the LBH is a better place. Jace loved playing there with the kids."

Clary smiles. "Who's portaling us?"

Max is the fastest and Magnus looks at his younger son with amusement as he steps through the portal.

It's a sunny winter day and Alec sits down on the bench that has his late parabatai's nameplate on it. He smiles as Magnus hands him the plate with the warm apple pie and sits down next to him, leaning into his warm side as they so often do when the kids leave them a minute to breathe.

"He'd be so proud of you," Magnus says and Alec smiles. He knows he would. He said so on his death bed before he asked him to take care of Clary and the twins.

A single tear runs down Alec's cheek at the memory, every word burnt into his memory forever. He grabs Magnus' hand and squeezes it lightly.

"He'd be. Not only because of what we created here with _Lightwood-Banes' home for gifted children_. But also for ..." he takes a gulp of air but remains silent after that.

"For what?" Magnus asks gently.

"For following my heart."

Magnus smiles and pulls him into a soft kiss. "Becoming a Shadowmage was the bravest thing you've ever done."

Alec nods. "And the best decision I ever made."

They sit on the bench for a long time, watching their children, and children's children play with the orphans. Clary paints runes into the slightly frozen sandbox watched by Nephilim and Seelie kids alike while Simon gives some of the children a piggyback ride. Rafael gifts a sad little Warlock girl, who just arrived the prior day, a dream with a touch on her temple, and Max shows another one how to create stars with her magic.

Magnus leans his head on Alec's shoulder. "I agree. Right after kissing me on your wedding day."

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another story I have to say goodbye to. Thank you for reading and your constant support. It means so much to me to share my ideas and creativity with you and that you enjoy it. 💜
> 
> Thank you to Hittiske who was my awesome beta reader. And to Satyana who gave me the idea for this story and who supported me throughout it, although I took it somewhere else than she had thought. You two are the greatest gifts this fandom has given to me and I'm so happy to have you in my life. 🥰
> 
> My next story starting tomorrow is called "Enduring the unbearable". It's an unusual soulmate AU in the canonverse. I hope to see you there.
> 
> Love,  
> Sabine.


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